Random Bsd one shots

Soukoku - Letter

Oumaigadd this book got already over 3k reads!

Btw, it's midnight, and you know what it means? Let's find out ;)--->

It hurts. A lot.

How you always just flirt with every single woman that happens to be on your route.

How you offer to them double suicide. You didn't ever even offer to me! Not that I would said yes, but still.

I always watched at the distance how you took their hands gently in your palm, and look at them with those dark eyes.

It hurts.

I know I'm not perfect. I know I'm not pretty girl. I know I have anger issues and that I can be mean. I know.

But that doesn't mean that I wouldn't do my best to make you happy. To try and help you with your suicidal behavior.

Damn you and your pettiness.

I always watched how your face lit up when you flirt with those women, when you were in agency or when you were just with that tiger boy and taught him something.

Why you didn't do the same to Akutagawa? He always adored you and your doings. And you just threw him at the side like trash.

He didn't deserve that and you know it as well as I do.

But still you were so fucking gentle with Atsushi. I like Atsushi too and Atsushi's even little bit like a brother to me.

But so is Akutagawa. Damn you.

I always looked from the side, when you still where in the mafia, how you talked with Oda and Ango, especially Oda.

He was only one that you ever cared about. I could tell it. You didn't even after that care about Atsushi so much as you cared about him.

I still remember it.

How you made that smile. Where only corners of your mouth curled, but still somehow it was the brightest and happiest smile ever.

But then Oda died and you disappeared.

Leaving me.

You couldn't leave here, with me, for me, no.

Or you couldn't ask for me to leave with you. Yes. I would have left with you, believe it or not.

But no. You were selfish, and probably always will be.

I lived so. In hurt.

And when I saw you again it hurt even more.

I said it, but I say it again. It hurt to see you flirt with those women, and it hurt to see you play family with that agency.

You still flirt with them even though I'm sure you knew that nobody's ever gonna follow your lead, and that it's pointless. Nobody's ever gonna understand you.

But I could. Not entirely. But I would have learned how. And helped you as much as possible.

But you didn't see that.

Maybe because I'm so fucking obvious, how everybody says, those times when you flirted with me I didn't understand, and when we were younger I was so fucking disgusted by you.

Don't get me wrong I still am, but...

I would do my all to make you happy.

And you didn't see that.

I know, you probably will never see this letter, and maybe it's better that way, but just even when I know that you would never return feelings for someone like me, I still say it.

I love you.

And I will never love somebody else.

I love that your stupid smile that you almost can't see but you still know that it is there. Your rusty hair that sometimes stays not washed way too long. Your bandages that makes you look like a stupid mummy.

And you should still know at this point that what makes you happy makes me happy. Even though I just now complained how you're happy without me, I'm still happy about the fact that you are.

Everything I want you to know is that...

I love you. Even though you will never know it. I always loved you, and I always will love you, Osamu Dazai.

. . .

"You h-hatrack."

Dazai fell on his knees, pressing letter that Kyoya gave him against his chest like it would otherwise disappear into thin air.

"Why you didn't ever tell me! Why!" Dazai exclaimed, turning his face towards sky welcoming rain that began, letting it cool him down.

"I know, you've always been such tsundere, but you still could have told me..." Dazai leaned on his knees little bit down, pressing his forehead against cold texture of tombstone.

"You know why I always flirted with them? It was just so I could get you out of my mind. Because you were only one occupying it. I always thought that you could never love somebody like me. But I guess I was wrong..."

Letter fell out of Dazai's hand on fresh mold.

Broken laugh left Dazai's mouth.

"Guess then we both are too late with our confessions. But even so,let me tell you this:
I love you. I always loved you and I always will, Chuuya Nakahara."

I said it's midnight 🙄

And be grateful. This time I let Dazai live :D

Aaaand I promise that next oneshot is going to be fluff (And Ranpoe woohoo!)

Word count: 861