{|Why not me?|}Beomjun✔

♡•8•♡

Yeonjun collected himself and took a cab to go to the hospital. When he got there he immediately saw Beomgyu's parents being taken to were he was.

He followed them and asked to see Beomgyu too, but after his parents are done. In the mean time he just sat there, looking mindlessly at the white wall in front of him while tears rolled down his cheeks.

After 10 minutes, Beomgyu's parents left the room crying violently. They couldn't even talk to Yeonjun.

The doctor turned to Yeonjun and told him that he could enter the room. He then gathered all his strength and walked in.

As soon as he entered the room, he saw the younger lying there lifeless, his once rosy cheeks and warm hands now cold and pale. He felt his heart break into million of pieces.

He shook his head and started to apologize to the younger and asking him to come back to him, cuz he can't live without him. He even told him that he had always loved him and that he should wake up now.

But the younger was still laying there lifeless and cold. The older then cried his heart out once he realized that the younger wouldn't come back to him, and that he lost the live of his life forever.

When he finally calmed down, he left the room and headed out of the hospital. While he was walking, he saw their oak tree.

Tears started to roll down his cheeks again. They had soo many good time under that tree, and most importantly he realized that he was in love with the younger under that tree.

He felt like he couldn't breath anymore, cuz he had soo many things to say, and guilt and resentment was eating him alive.

He decided to go home cuz he couldn't bear the pain anymore. As he was heading to his dorm, he stopped in front of Beomgyu's door.

He then decided to enter, he used his spare key and got in. He instantly felt a sharp pain in his heart. He shook it off and headed to the younger's room, still hoping that despise everything the younger was in his room watching his favorite drama with some popcorn.

But it was empty, dark and cold. A emerald green notebook caught his attention while he was looking around Beomgyu's room.

He remembered seing the younger writing in it since they were 12, but every time he asked the younger what he was doing with this, he would always change the subject.

So he decided to pick it up, and see what was written in the note book. It was decorated with some cute teddy bears, flowers and heart stickers. He chuckled softly, because this note book was soo Beomgyu coded.

Then he opened it and started to read with a fond smile on his face. But as he keep on reading, his smile gradually turned into a frown, then tears.

He then said "I'm sorry Beomie, I really am. I failed to noticed that you had depression, and my attempt to save you killed you instead. I am the selfish one not you, I thought it was the best thing to do for you, but it wasn't."

It was 23:45, when he finished the whole diary. He felt soo numb and empty. Guilt was eating him alive. But what made him cried the most was when the younger said " He was the one keeping me alive all this time, even when I wanted to end it all after that terrible night, I wanted to keep on living just to see him a little more. Mr Kim told me that I could live if I got that operation I didn't want to, cuz my fate is to die, no one not even him want me in their life, so I will just die while thinking about him and loving him till the end."

He then realized that he was the reason why the younger was alive, and the reason why he died. He was devasted to know that the younger was taken against his will because of him. He felt guilty for not being brave enough to stand up for the love of his life.