To All The Boyzzz I Have Crushed On

Crush One: 2Face Idibia

One

I'm 24 going 25 as I embark on this journey of journaling my romantic life and I've noticed two standard patterns in the course of my growth in life: The Mirror and Good Music.

It always comes down to these weird and unexplainable mystical things at the end of the day, to be honest.

From the earliest age of 4, I've always been obsessed with my own image; not in the "Oh i am fucking fine as fuck and I'm a sight for sore eyes" kind of way, actually, it's been the opposite with me. I've never been enough.

No no, please; don't take a deep breathe and look up to the sky and feel bad for me because you think you relate with me or how I'm feeling; first thing's first, this is a book and the point is to enjoy! Secondly, there's only much to what I can share about my life in this book, so maybe don't spend too much of your time trying to relate or make sense out of it; maybe spend it psychoanalyzing me instead, I'm the villain, the Anti-Hero just like the new Taylor Swift song, so don't commence this book with some sick idea that I'm the victim, I assure you, i...am...not! Thank you, now can we get back to the story? Cool.

I remember always going to church with my siblings only to find more attractive kids with their siblings, and thinking to my tiny 4 year old self, 'Why aren't we as fine as them?' Crazy, I know right? I'm still yet to pinpoint my obsession with superficial beauty and hopefully, in the course of writing this book, I find the answers, but if not; I move; anyway, beauty always caught my attention, the most beautiful girl in the church, the most beautiful boy in the Sunday school, the most handsome teacher, the handsome gateman, the most attractive cartoon character (i fucking hated Johnny Bravo, that nigga was ugly! 2003 spider man on Silver Bird was giving tho!). I was obsessed with beautiful people! I'd always go up after church to scan my face in the mirror and wonder if I'd ever be as beautiful as Sholanke Alvin (for some weird reasons we called our friend by their last name first as little kids lol), or why I didn't have perfect brows like Itunu Onome with the pink ball dress that looked horrible by the way (classic Sinmi, always finding a fault in something beautiful to ease the pain in my chest). Anyway, I'd spend hours in front of my mum's bathroom mirror until I convinced myself I could grow into that face if I worked hard and made enough money and did like surgery or something...yes, I had these thoughts from the age of 4. What went wrong right? I wonder myself.

Anyway, that was just the mirror bit, now let's get to the real deal breaker when it comes to my major obsession: Good Music.

Ole by 2Face (he goes by 2Baba or whatever the fuck they call him nowadays) has got to be the first soundtrack of my pathetic obsession with romance. When I think far back at the age of the beginning of my consciousness, I always hear the words "I am calling you Ole...cos you stole my heart away", it's crazy, but I was obsessed with that song and I'm sure if you knew 2Face or if you've seen that musical video, you'd know why; that man was fine! I remember loathing the vixen in the musical video because she was so close to my crush! Lol I mean, I'd always sit and wait for Music Afrika (at the time, there wasn't MTV Base and Trace, we just had Kennis Music or Music Afrika or Primetime) and wait for Ole to play and while my siblings were outside cooking sand and punching the wind, you'd catch my 4 year old ass fighting hard to fix her oversized shirt into a Show-me-your-stomach top just to dance with her eyes closed at 2Face's music.

You could only imagine the joy in my heart when one day my dad showed up with a CD of musical videos and Ole was one of them! Bro, I rinsed that shit. I literally made my siblings go from liking to loving to cementing Ole as their own childhood soundtrack with the way I played and replayed that song. There was just something about the way he sang, how beautiful is tune was and how perfectly his face fit. There was nothing wrong with him...until I slipped to my elder brother one day that I might be in love with 2Face and he laughed his heart out for minutes before telling me to get my head out of my fantasy because 2Face would never like me back in return: a very harsh truth which took about 2 months of denial and constrained fantasy to adjust to, and that was when I started to realize that maybe 2Face wasn't perfect after all, I mean he was skinny unlike Johnny Bravo and the other characters in the cartoon and he didn't have hair! What kind of man didn't have hair?! Don't blame me, I was just a 4 years old girl processing rejection for the first time in her life; I needed to find a silver lining.

There's only so much I can juggle up from my first Crush experience at the age of 4 or how I took the "break-up"; Oh! Yeah, I kind of do this crazy thing whereby I mentally break up with the person I'm crushing on when I finally come to the realization that there's no possibility of us ever being a thing after fantasizing and creating movie scenes in my head for the longest time (it's how I survive basically. Sad but true); anyway, I just know that I stopped listening to 2Face and knowing how crazy I can get when things don't go my way, I probably broke the CD by mistake on purpose and blamed it on my younger sister or something; Thanks a lot 2Face Idibia.

*UNEDITED*

Hello Guys and Gurls and Aliens
I'm back again with another one!
And I know what y'all are thinking..."He's gonna start writing now and then she's he's gonna ghost on us" and you're probably right...or not, but that's not the point, the point is that I'm writing again! And I'm so fucking excited to be sharing this experience with y'all once again.

Before I get into the details of this book; can we close our eyes to observe one minute of silence for Donald Uzoka; a budding writer like you and I who's left planet earth for a sweeter place.

Great!

Now!
This book!
I'm pretty sure a good number of y'all are excited to finally get another book that digs into my personal life, and I can also confirm the fact that I'm excited to share it with you, not because I'm egoistic or whatever; but because I'm trying to heal from this layer of my life as well.

PS: the book is literally a segment in the story of my life! Still a work of fiction though, so don't get me all fucked up okay?

I hope y'all get to read, learn, enjoy, cry, smile, laugh and most importantly, understand this story I'm sharing.

I started a new IG (@heycinmi) follow me; I follow right back and please, engage the posts and ask questions via DM, I'd be glad to respond to the reasonable ones.

Quick one: who else loved 2Face as a kid?

Another one: What's your favorite 2Face song?

Yet Another one: Who was your first Crush?

Last one: What age did you start crushing?

Answer the questions!!!

And also Vote on every chapter as well.

I'd ask you to share the book with your friends, but that'd be spreading my dirty linens around, so whoever sees it sees it okay?

Until the next chapter

See ya!

Song of the chapter: Ole By 2Face