serendipity | jean k. ♡

sick love | chapter 1

"I just don't want anybody else." He shook his head. "I want you."

"Jean." You sighed, the knot breaking in your throat as you let go of his hand, bringing your own hands up to wipe your teary eyes. "Please." You choked out, watching as he frowned. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay. I'm sorry." You shook your head. "Losing you hurts so much more knowing I never thought I would." There was an indescribable tension in the room. A thick moment of silence floating in the air as you let yourselves mourn for a moment. Knowing this would be it.

You were young. You were both so stupid.

He stood from the couch, wiping his eyes again. You followed, standing up while avoiding all eye contact. This was a mutual choice and it hurt knowing neither of you wanted to do it. "I'm gonna miss you so much." You gushed as Jean instantly grabbed you and pulled you into the tightest hug. "I'm gonna miss you even more. I love you." He kissed your forehead gently before resting his chin onto the top of your head, both of you crying at this point.

"I love you." You gripped the back of his hoodie, taking in his scent one last time, knowing the second you let go would be the second he was no longer yours.

The two of you stayed there for a moment before you leaned back and your eyes met. His gaze moved to your lips for a moment as yours did his but you both knew kissing each other wasn't going to help. He wanted to so bad. You wanted him to so bad. Yet you didn't.

He looked away, releasing the hug. "Well, I'll see ya. Good luck." He softly smiled. He kept telling himself this was wrong. That this wasn't the right choice. He had a gut feeling it was a mistake. But he let it go.

Oh how he wished he didn't let it go.

"You too." You reciprocated the smile, watching him turn walk out of the house. The now empty house.

The very second the door clicked shut was the moment you broke down in tears on the couch. A gut wrenching feeling you never wished upon anybody. It seems silly, you know, but in that moment it felt as if your whole world was crashing down. You weren't focused on the life ahead of you or the fact you'd meet all these people along the way. You were focused solely on losing the one person you wanted to hold onto.

A bad gut feeling sat in your stomach. You felt you'd regret this. You felt this wasn't the choice you were supposed to make.

You let it go.

Jean was an amazing kid. Although he had his flaws of being cocky and immature he still made a great boyfriend. He had a bright future ahead of him and he fully deserved to go to his dream school and live a good life for himself. You weren't about to let such a small portion of his life ruin a bigger portion of it.

You had your own goals as well. You got into a great school and you knew there were going to be awesome opportunities that would take you far so you could live the life you wanted too.

Your family was devastated when you told them what you guys decided on and so were your friends that you had grown close to over the years together. It was best for you though and despite all the sadness and disappointment you didn't break through.

You stayed apart and although both of you had hoped you'd meet again, that hope faded and faded as more years passed...

~ present day ~
~ 5 years later ~

You closed the sketch book that sat on your lap, tossing the pencil onto the coffee table. "Why am I thinking about him?" You sighed, staring ahead through the large apartment windows that overlooked the small city.

The thought of Jean would pop into your head every once in a while but it was no more than a thought. It didn't make your stomach turn or give you a funny feeling. It was always just a simple memory. A memory you could think about that no longer caused a pain in your chest. Of course you'd always wonder what he's up to or where he's at but you never pried. It wasn't your business.