Mastermind

A Drop in the Ocean

Warnings: Depression
mentioned / referenced death
mentioned / referenced torture
referenced self-harm
bullying

But this is actually like super happy and fluffy

___

A drop in the ocean
A change in the weather
I was praying that you and me might end up together
It's like wishing for rain as I stand in the desert
But I'm holding you closer than most
'Cause you are my heaven
- A Drop in the Ocean by Ron Pope

James

August 1980

After Barty's suicide, Regulus seemed to fall into a deep, dark hole. He only ever lay in bed, downright catatonic. Some days, he wouldn't get up at all, and not say a single word.

He moves the most during the nightmares. James, sleeping next to him, does his best to calm him down. He wakes him up and holds him, rocks him gently in his arms and tells him everything will be alright.

He hasn't been like this before they went to Azkaban. It almost seems like all the trauma of his upbringing, of being with Voldemort, and the war, all the Deaths around them, finally unloaded and fell down on him all in one swoop, crushing him beneath.

James is helpless.

Sirius doesn't know what to do, and even Fleamont is at a loss.

Regulus has been like this for three months now.

James' 20th birthday was more depressing than during the war, and it ended with Regulus breaking down in his arms, chanting apology after apology for not getting it together for even that one day.

On some days he seems better. James gets him out of bed and forces him to go on a walk through Godric's Hollow. He doesn't speak a word but lets James hold his hand. On other days, opening his eyes seems to be the hardest thing for him and he doesn't move further than turning away from everyone who dares to enter the bedroom.

It is late and the August sun just set when James comes into the room. Regulus has asked him in the morning to keep the curtains shut. It is always a bad day if he asks that in the morning. James doesn't switch on the light when he comes from the bathroom. He drops his clothes on the floor. Regulus shifts slightly under his blanket.

They moved into James' bedroom after the war and bought a new, big bed. It isn't quite as opulent as the bed they had in the Room of Requirement. James is glad that the amount of space Regulus can put between them without falling out of bed is rather limited.

James crawls in next to his boyfriend. "Are you still awake?"

Regulus hums. James scoots closer and puts his hand on Regulus' hip. He has lost too much weight since May.

Regulus shudders and twists himself out of his touch. James swallows audibly and retracts his hand.

Regulus slowly turns around. He plays with the end of the pillow. "Sorry."

"It's okay," James whispers. "How are you feeling?"

Regulus shrugs as well as he can lying on his side.

He sighs. "Reggie... is there anything I can do? Anything? I can't keep watching you like this. ...At least talk to someone, a healer. They have people specializing in talking about all the things that happened and make you feel better."

"I don't want to talk to anyone."

"Anything else I can do? I'd do anything, Reggie. Just let me help you."