Two Ghosts

Chapter 41 - Jane's Decision

"What do you mean none of that was real?! I was not just ready at that time! But you left!"

"Oh please! Don't make any more alibis para lang maka-alis ka sa situation na ikaw mismo ang gumawa!" Why is she pointing at me?

Ganon na ba talaga sya ka-galit sa'kin ngayon?

Well, i'm being such a coward ngayon and i think i deserve this.

"You're in no position to point at me like that! Never kong ginusto 'yung decision ko!"

"Akala ko kapag naghintay ako ng ilang taon, mag y-yes ka, but you chose that stupid fame instead of me!"

Is she telling me na kaya lang ako magpapa-kasal kay Zoe dahil sa fame?

I want to save my mother whose dying!

"Bakit Jea?! Mapapalamon ba ako ng pagmamahal mo?! You know how much i want to be a celebrity like you! You know how much i'm longing to be one!" I am now crying again infront of her.

She paused for a moment.

Did she realized kung gaano rin ako nasasaktan sa sitwasyon namin ngayon at noon?

I ran away again.

Dinala ko lang 'yung bag ko habang binibilisan ko 'yung pagpapa-andar ko sa wheel chair ko.

But then, she kneeled at me again.

She stopped me from running away again.

"D-don't..."

"Don't leave me..." I heard her muttering those words.

I badly wanna hug her right now.

Pero this is the only way that i know na makaka-alis sya sa buhay kong magulo.

I want her to move on from me.

Ayoko na syang saktan pa.

I held her chin and kissed her for one last time.

"I'm sorry, Jea."

"I love you. Please, don't leave me." She doesn't know how bad i want to cry it all out habang naka-yakap sakanya.

"Mahal na mahal rin kita, Jea. Pero tama na."

"You've done enough for me. Mahal na mahal rin kita, sobra pa sa sobra. Pero parang hindi na talaga pwede." I said before leaving her there, kneeling and crying.

Please be strong, Jea.

Sana kapag pwede na, pwede pa.

I left the hotel, crying.

I decided to call  Amie to come and pick me up sa airport dahil magpapa-book na ako right away, pauwi ng Pinas.

Hindi ko na pwedeng hintayin si Jea at sumabay sakanya pauwi.

Napaka kapal naman ng mukha ko kung gagawin ko pa 'yun, hindi ba?

"Hoy! Why are you crying, Ja-neh?! Did something happen?!" Amie said, panicking.

"N-no, no. Wala. C-can you just pick me up mamaya sa airport? Please, Amie." I said, pleasing her.

"Hoy oo naman! Ano bang nangyari?"

"Mamaya ko na ik-kwento sa personal, mahirap dito sa phone call. Sige na, nasa taxi na ako. Buti nalabg tinulungan ako nung taxi driver."

"JA-NEHHH!" I finally got back here sa Pilipinas. Hindi ko na namalayan 'yung byahe namin from Hongkong to Philippines dahil naka-tulog ako sa seat ko kaka-iyak. "Ano nangyari?" Tanong ni Amie habang tinutulak nya 'yung wheelchair ko. "Nag-away ba kayo ni Jea?" Tanong nya ulit.

"We're done, Amie." I said.

Natahimik kami parehas hanggang sa maka-pasok na kami sa kotse nya.

Dun nya ako niyakap.

Mahigpit.

I need this.

I really fucking need this tight hug from someone.

"Amie... I feel like i made a really big mistake on choosing Zoe over her." I said.

"Jane, hindi mo naman pinili si Zoe. Kung may choice ka lang, pinili mo na si Jea. Pero si tita kasi 'yung problema. Ano ba sabi mo? Sinabi mo ba sakanya na pagp-planuhan nyo ni Zoe na patagalin 'yung preparation nung kasal nyo para hindi matuloy or???"

"No. Hindi. Wala na talaga, tinapos ko na." She hugged me again habang pina-pat nya 'yung back ko.

"Bakit mo naman ginawa 'yun? You really love her."

Kumawala na ako sa yakap namin at this point at ngayon ay magka-harap na kaming nag-uusap dito sa parking lot ng Airport.

"Ayun nga eh, ginawa ko 'yun kasi sobra ko syang mahal, Amie. Tinapos ko na kasi ayoko na syang masaktan pa. Ayoko na syang ma-involve pa sa magulo kong buhay."

"Hayaan mo, Jane. Malay mo, magka-balikan pa kayo diba? Baka naman may time pa para dyan."

"I don't think so, Amie. Sobra na syang nasaktan sa mga ginawa at ginagawa ko pa sakanya, tulad nung kanina. I turned down her proposal to be her girlfriend again."

"Ha?! She did that?!" Gulat nyang tanong sa'kin.

I nodded.

"Yeah... This isn't going to help pero i really think na rin at this point na hindi ka na nya ba-balikan dahil pangalawang beses na 'yang nangyari sainyo."

"Hindi na rin ako umaasa, Amie. Tama na rin."

"Siguro nga kailangan ko nalang rin pag-aralang mahalin si Zoe."

"Jane, you don't need to do that."

"Kahit ayun nalang tama kong gawin para sa mama ko. Parang feeling ko, ayun nalang 'yung only way para maka-gawa ako ng tama. Kahit once lang sa buhay ko, and i think this is it."

I feel like, Amie pitied me for being like this.

My life really sucks.

Ang gulo-gulo ng buhay ko and minsan nai-isip ko nalang rin.

What if tapusin ko nalang?

What if tapusin ko nalang 'tong chapter ng buhay ko?

Will everything be different?

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