OUTERBANKS SEASON4

Chapter 5: Part 3: The Stormy Night

Her eyes dart over him fiercely still... she's known Rafe... she'd dealt with Rafe before- she's always kept her head well up high around him too.

"All I said..." she speaks slowly, gritting her teeth, trying to contain her own anger "...was that I wanted to help." she reasserts herself, keeps her tone matched to his, trying to ignore all other things he'd just said.

"And I told you to stay here." he growls, making himself clear. His face hovers an inch above hers- trying to show his dominance- eyes boring into hers. His eyes flicker over hers slowly- determining if she'd listened... before his pushing himself off the wall, and wanders back out onto the deck as lightning hits and lights up the sky- illuminating every inch of gray cloud- and the clouds begin to roll into a downpour of heavy rain- gushing down a thick blanketing rain- the waves moving and crashing against the yacht angrily.

Ki stands there- frozen at first- not knowing what had just happened... or what to do... but instinctively her feet find their way wandering out of the cabin and onto the lower deck, grip tightening to the railing of the stairs as the yacht gets knocked about against the tossing waves. The rain lashes against her face as she watches Rafe in the rain climb up to the cockpit, doing everything he needed there, before climbing down to lower the sails- his body completely drenched- soaked- curtained with rain... his skin paling to the numbing cold rippling against his body.

Rafe rambles to himself on the deck- talking to himself- and all Ki can think is that now was a bad time for him to be in this state... he moves about- pacing erratically, and finally just stands in the rain lowering his gaze to the ground- letting the frenzied rain and wind whip around him and murmur to him. The movement of the yacht jolts him and almost knocks him over.

When his eyes come up he sees Ki, the hair on the back of his neck rising but he fights every urge- every demon within him not to storm over to her and lose it with her again.

Her hair dampened- clothes drenched in the rain- a bolt of lightning illuminates the sky for just over a few seconds... and he can see every feature of her face... those eyes he loves swimming with care bringing him crashing back down to earth for a long moment... he hates how she's capturing his heart like this when she'll just leave him anyway-

"I told you to stay inside." he yells, the howling wind making him have to raise his voice over the sound of the storm.

She can't say anything- anything she says he won't listen- and the way she doesn't move it brings up an anger in him he can't seem to hold back.

"Get the fuck inside now-" he orders, watching her sternly- the shade of blue in his eyes darkening to a stark cobalt in the darkened night- they glisten against the crashing rain- and when she doesn't move he begins to make his way to her quickly- and she has no time to think-

He tugs her arm away from the deck to try and pull her in, when she resists- he looses his cool and pulls her to the side, pinning her to the wall outside of the cabin wall- the rain still coursing down on them.

"I'm drunk- Ki- and you fucking around with me like this- thinking I'm not the dangerous fucking animal that fucking killed someone..." he takes a moment to breath, talking so rapidly... "because I'm nothing like my dad- right? Right?! You remember right- all the shit- know that your lieing to your fucking self!" he yells, his tone startling her a little.

"You're not-" she suddenly whimpers and jerks a little at how tight his grasp gets.

"I'm not?! Fuck!" he yells, pain strained in his voice, and he struggles to breath, his breathing becoming erratic. "But you remember..." his eyes begin to change, and his eyes begin to redden... they burn and he can feel all the tears brimming in his eyes... "I... I can't undo... I can't..." he says, his voice fading away. He tries to blink his tears away- but more are just forming, and tries to face her sternly again- but his emotions are breaking him- cracking through him. "I... I almost killed my sister... my dad... but- fuck... I almost killed you..." his face scrunches up, pain creases his face. "Don't you remember that?... I put my hands on you?" he questions her angrily this time. "I put my hands around your neck because... I didn't want you to say... anything else... so you wouldn't remind me of how bad I truely am... remember? I'm not..." his tone changes to become more angered. "I'm not like my father...- really Ki? Then just look at all the shit I've done... you can't say I'm not like him. I'm probably fucking worse."

Her heart plummets in her chest... drops low- pumps slowly and deep... letting every single one of his words begin to sink in... all the memories coming back to her clearly... she'd learnt Rafe had almost drowned her when she'd been in the sewers- something the others learnt first- then had reiterated back to her... but she'd never heard it from his actual mouth... and it hit her hard- like recieving a cold slap to the face... those memories had tormented her, and the reminder brought those feelings crawling back with strengthen... those memories that haunted her... and she froze. Anger fills her veins, courses through her body- something possesses her- fills her body with so much anger she slaps him so hard it throws him back- losing his grip off her... her eyes darting over him fiercely.

She begins to stalk away, but she spins around to face him again-

"Sorry-"

"I don't care- you can choose to be who you want to- Rafe... I don't regret being kind- letting people who I still have hope for a chance... you're not the only person who has wronged me that I have let back in... who I've actually cared about... but how you chose to treat me back... that's what matters- what means the most to me." she replies. Her gaze changes... they break, become a little soft- lips tremble... but return to sternly... she watches how his eyes can't seem to stay fixed onto hers... her eyes begin to well up, and her lips tremble again, and she looks away, then up at him again letting him see her tears. "I'll never forget what you did... but you could show me compassion... I don't know, envelope with love or something, you know... over and over again until it's all I know of you... I mean, that's the only way, right? To... I don't know, continue on." she lets her warm tears spill down her cheeks as she watches him, contrasting to the cold of the rain stinging her skin still... her lungs sting with every breath.

He turns, arms folding them over his head, so much happening in his head..

"I don't know-" his eyes fly to an empty direction, and Ki already knows his hearing voices again, his eyes vacant. "Stop- just don't! That- listen!" he yells, pacing toward the voice, when Ki takes his arm, and pulls him toward her, taking his face to make his eyes come only to meet hers.

"Rafe... they're not there." she says slowly, her brows wrinkle at him as his eyes softly assess her. "I am, though... don't listen to them, it's only you and me on this boat.. ok?"

He swallows as he looks at her... his hair, brows, lips wet with rain... he groans and lets his eyes roll back, all his energy being drained.

"You don't know- Ki..." his voice hoarse and tired, words trailing off... "I-I'm... I'm... ahh, maybe I'm not ok."

Her hand she'd placed to his face, softens... and she lowers one to cup his cheek... his eyes returning to her calm, but his tired, and they drift away again... she knew he needed sleep.

"You will be." she replies, a broken heavy-hearted smile on her face. "Come on."

She guides him back in, helps him find some new clothes, helps him change from his wet old ones... stops when he begins to hurl from all that had been swishing violently in his stomach- grabs an empty plastic bag to help him spew into, rubs his back as he holds it for himself... and tugs him back to the berth to let him sink into the mattress and let his head bury and eyes softly close- falling asleep almost instantly. Ki gets herself changed, and hesitantly decides she'll let herself lay next to him.