A Storm Is Brewing

My First Favourite: Part 1

Rhys.

"Right. And did daddy ask Auntie Sophie for you?"
"No, he asked you, silly!" Liv chuckled.
"Oh yeah! I forgot." I lied.
"You're silly."
"You know you can always come here, don't you?"
"It's okay, I know you're busy."
"We're never going to be too busy for you. If you need us, we're only ever a flight away."
"What about when auntie Sophie is back to work? She can't keep taking time off or she will have no money."
"Who said that?" I questioned, knowing she hadn't come to that conclusion herself.
"Dad."
"Do you know how many years it is until you're 18?"
"9."
"Then you have nine more years of not worrying about money, okay?"
"I brought some money."

She's really concerned about this.

"What are you going to buy?" I smiled.
"I was thinking maybe we could get pizza. I have enough for pizza."
"I have a better idea."
"What is it?"
"How about I buy the pizza, and then you can come shopping with me tomorrow and we'll get you something better than pizza with that money?"
"Really?"
"Just for you."
"Yes please."

I knew I should tell Sophie about Rhys right away, but she wasn't exactly open-minded about his ability to be conniving. I knew he would likely use some excuse that he had been talking to someone else about Sophie's time off and that Liv had gotten the wrong end of the stick. This was simply about protecting them both. If Rhys knew Liv had told us, would he tell her off when she got home? Would that prevent her talking to us about things in future? What would it do to Sophie to think her brother would completely stab her in the back?

A gentle knock at the door snapped me from my thoughts, Liv shifting in the bed slightly to make room for Sophie who had a now-calm Teddy in her arms. She lay down on the bed, letting Teddy rest between herself and Liv, likely letting Liv see that he was absolutely fine.

"Will he hate balloons now?" Liv asked quietly.
"Nope. One time I almost drown him, you know?" Sophie said calmly.
"No you didn't!" Liv chuckled.
"I did. I was holding him in his baby bath and he slipped out of my arms. His head went right under the water!"
"Does he hate the bath now?"
"Nope, he forgot about it as soon as he finished crying." Sophie chuckled, watching as the worry erased from Liv's face.
"Do you think he will forget about the balloon?"
"I think he already has."
"I really didn't mean to scare him."
"We know that."
"Are you angry at me?"
"How could I ever be?" Sophie sighed, wrapping her arm around Liv.
"I miss you when I don't see you."
"I miss you, all the time."
"Even when I'm not around?"
"Even then, Liv. Even when I've had a busy day and can't call you until tomorrow, I'm missing you."

Liv sat deep in thought, slightly less anxious now as she tried to understand that the arrival of a new little person didn't have to mean the extinction of the other. The thought process of children was always something that had mesmerised me, whether it was deciding which sweets they wanted in the shop, or deciding whether they should be doing something, every process followed the exact same protocols as an adult brain would, but with much less understanding.

I don't remember that time, not well anyway. Of course, I remember buying sweets or playing with my friends but the intricate details of making decisions wasn't something I had locked into my memory. In the moments of silence that passed, I practically begged my brain to remind me of what was important back then - why I made those decisions. Favourites. I was afraid of not picking my favourite sweet, I was afraid of making my favourite teacher angry, I was afraid of not being my best friend's favourite anymore, every decision came down to favourites.

"Can we, Auntie Leah?" Liv's voice startled me.
"Of course."
"You have no idea what we're asking, do you?" Sophie chuckled.
"Not a clue."
"Hot chocolate!" Liv chuckled.
"I knew that." I jibed, sticking my tongue out at her.

Deep in thought, I watched on as Sophie busied herself making the drink, Liv innocently swinging her legs back and forth on the stool as she waited and the sight taking me back to when she was younger and much smaller. I thought of the life she had lived, having two parents who refuse to be in the same room. It was no wonder she worried about favourites. Her life had been that, a collection of moments when she felt obliged to pick a favourite parent, or her favourite place to stay at Christmas. I glanced across to Teddy, also innocent, no idea that at any moment he could become just like Liv. It was that thought that made me decide I wouldn't be keeping Sophie in the dark about Rhys. I'd wanted to protect her from the cruelty of it all, but something had clicked within my brain, reminding me that lying for the right reasons was just as bad as lying for the wrong ones.

I knew I had to be strategic about this, to phrase it in a way that wouldn't feel like I was attacking Rhys, or accusing him of the thing I knew he was guilty of. Scrutinising every details for positive twists, I finally broached the topic once both kids were in bed, desperately hoping that it wouldn't cause yet another argument over Rhys' insistence that Sophie never put anyone above him.

"Soph, I wasn't going to say anything because I really don't want to stress you, but I think Rhys might be feeling a little bit detached from you."
"What do you mean?"
"Maybe feeling a little bit like he isn't as close to you anymore."
"Why do you think that?"
"Liv said he's a bit worried about you not having money with being off work and -"
"Why the fuck would he tell her that?"

I was wondering that too, but the last thing I wanted to do was cause a rift between the two of them, one little lie wouldn't hurt.

"Maybe she just overheard him." I spoke softly.
"Did she tell you this? I'm going to talk to her."

If she did that, I knew that Liv would tell her everything she had told me. It would break her heart. She was halfway off the sofa before my brain finally told my arms to reach out for her, her face softening as she glanced back at me.

"Too much?" She sighed.
"I just don't want her to think she can't trust me, Soph."

That wasn't a lie. Liv had trusted me enough to speak to me about things, and if Sophie went in all guns blazing, angry at Rhys, it would only heighten Liv's current situation of keeping everything in her head.

"What do I do? Maybe I should go back to work."
"You can't just do that because Liv is worried, Soph."
"I don't want her to be worried."

Neither did I, but I also didn't want Sophie to go back to work before she was ready. I had to think back to times in my life when I'd felt that I was the burden. It wasn't hard, back when I'd first started out playing football I was the cause of a lot of sacrifice: holidays, family days out, and even birthday parties that had to be moved.

"We need to show her that she isn't one." I blurted out.
"Isn't what?"
"A burden. An added bit of baggage."
"How do we do that?"
"I have an idea."
"Which is?"
"You'll see."

I didn't actually have an idea, but I knew I'd rather deal with the stress of finding one than watch Sophie tear herself apart.