Behind Closed Doors

Behind Closed Door #13

    "No. But I have loved a woman. We've taken each other as wives."

    "H--how not to be lesbian but with woman?"

    "I never stopped admiring men. But I was faithful to my partner. Always. She used to be my teacher. We never had a relationship until I graduated."

    "Confused."

    "Its understandable. But look at all these trees, Sayaka. They're all beautiful. But don't you notice that they're all different?"

    Sayaka nodded.

    "They're just like people too. We are all different. And so who is to say which way the branches should turn? That this trunk laying to the side is uglier than the one standing a little more upright? Should we try and twist them all into the same shape and form? That's not the way nature works."

    Sayaka shook her head and she smiled. Her eyes were opening up, little by little. The blank stare was gone, for today.

    "In the beginning, I fought my attraction to my teacher. I had many suitors at that time, mostly boys. And I was confused as well, as I've never seen a man look at me the way my wife had. It took years for me to even appreciate what we did together as wives in bed. My body still craved a man's touch, a man's smell. But because I loved my wife, I overcame everything to give her everything she needed as a lover. And her happiness was my own. We are more than our sexual preferences Sayaka. It is important in a relationship but its not everything. Now that my wife has passed on, I'm currently dating a man. Sex is not everything, Sayaka. I need you to understand this as a young girl. The only thing that matters is love, trust, honesty, and commitment...no matter if you're dealing with a friend, a lover--male, female, or otherwise."

    "I want to give Kirari everything," Sayaka said, simply, "Even if I don't know how."

    "I know the feeling, Sayaka. Still, you should develop yourself first so that you can give her the things she needs. To understand her, you must understand yourself first. Being yourself is the first step. Dancers do not always intrude into each other's spaces, they need to keep the frame so they can dance together."

    She nodded, understanding since she had taken tap dancing as a child. She looked down, "I wanted to be Yumeko."

    "Your enemy?"

    "Kirari and Yumeko...the same. Understand each other. Jealous."

    "I've never heard her name from Kirari's lips. Whoever this Yumeko is. I only hear yours. Kirari really admires and loves you. But this is beside the point. I don't want you to focus on Yumeko. I want you to rebuild yourself. To be your own best friend. After you've become your own best friend, you can be a good friend to Kirari and to Ririka too. Friendship is a good strong foundation for any relationship. Nowadays, teenagers are lucky there are laws in government to prevent intimacy at too young an age. But back when Japan was a beginning country, arranged marriages for alliances started as early as twelve years old to fourteen years of age. These marriages are for economic and political reasons and girls are treated like cattle to be traded."

    "Nothing to give Kirari now...I failed her."

    "I've spoken with Kirari for several days and the truth is, Sayaka, she just wants to be around you."

    "I'm bad. Not good enough. Broken."

    "You haven't realized how lucky you are, Sayaka. Kirari wants you no matter if you're broken or not good enough, as you put it. She will stay by your side until the end."