The Christmas Party

All Of You

I drove to his apartment through the snow and quickly ran up to his door. I paused for a moment outside of it, my knuckles hanging over the door. I wanted to knock. I knew Jennie wasn't home, but it didn't feel right using the key anymore. I didn't feel like I belonged here anymore; this wasn't my home.

I finally knocked and Taehyung answered the door with a bright smile. He was all dressed up.

"Wow, I didn't realize we were getting fancy tonight."

"I wanted to look nice."

I rolled my eyes and walked inside, kicking off my boots.

"I realized I just forgot the champagne," Taehyung said.

"Are you kidding me?"

"I'll be right back, I'm just going to run to the store down the road. Do you need anything?"

"I'll come with you."

"No, no. Just stay here and make yourself comfortable and I'll be back soon."

I sighed and sat on the couch. I looked around at all of the Christmas decorations and was reminded of Jennie. The entire apartment reminded me of Jennie and I questioned why I even accepted this proposal, this was so stupid. If I couldn't stare at a picture of her on my desk what made me think I could be in her apartment. I guess I would have to get over this if I wanted to continue to be friends with Taehyung.

I looked down the hall and wanted to go into Jennie's bedroom to be close to her, to allow myself to let go, to say goodbye properly. I shook my head; I was being weird.

Twenty minutes later the apartment door opened and I stood up to help Taehyung with whatever he was carrying, but it was not Taehyung at the door. It was Jennie.

My heart stopped beating in my chest, my stomach dropped, and I felt cold panic flood through my veins. I was at a loss for words.

She looked gorgeous.

I wasn't supposed to be here.

"I'm sorry," I finally managed to stutter. "Taehyung told me you wouldn't be home. I-I'm really sorry. I'll go. Just tell him that —sorry."

I scrambled to kick on my boots. My heart pounded in my chest against a tight grip. I couldn't breathe and I knew I was moments away from crying. I had to get out of here. I couldn't be in the same room as her. How was I ever supposed to get over this?

"You don't have to go," Jennie said. She sounded tired, not at all the voice I was used to, the voice of over confidence and jest. The voice that always seemed to have a smile behind it, even if she was exasperated with me.

"No, this is your apartment. I need to leave. I'm sorry."

I stood up and pulled on my heavy coat and scarf. Jennie watched me. I stared back at her. The usually lithe intelligence behind those eyes was gone. She looked tired.

"Are you okay, Jisoo?" she asked.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I tried not to look at her anymore but my eyes kept bouncing back to hers before I quickly looked away. My heart was crumbling all over again.

I walked up to the door to leave, but Jennie was still standing there, grocery bags in hand. It didn't at all seem like she was planning to leave tonight; she wasn't even wearing makeup.

What the hell Taehyung?

Jennie's eyes searched my face. I looked away. I felt the tears bubbling again. I knew how I looked.

"Jisoo, are you sure you're okay?"

"You don't have to worry about me," I said with a smile I didn't feel. "That's not your responsibility anymore, okay?"