Against the dark Hearts

Chapter 37

The next day, I woke up in Sebastian's bed. I was wearing my underwear and a nightgown, which meant he must have changed me and put me to bed. There was a fire burning in the fireplace, and it smelled like tea and scrambled eggs.

Sebastian was standing at the small stove, his hair was wet, he must have just come out of the bathtub. He was wearing a sweater and simple pants. I watched him for a while as I sat in bed.

His face had lost the childlike features he had at the beginning of last school year. He had shadows under his eyes and apparently already had a slight beard growth, which he shaved off.

Sebastian had changed over time. He had gone from the boy who fought a troll with me in Hogsmeade to someone who had killed someone out of desperation.

"That smells good," I said, smiling at him as he turned to me. The food seemed to be ready because Sebastian began to set the table.

"Come on, you can't eat in bed," he said, sitting down at the small wooden table.

Actually, I couldn't eat here. I had to leave.

"Sebastian-"

"No," his voice sounded firm, and he looked at me with a serious look. Where there was just a smile, there was now a face that had clearly darkened. His eyebrows were furrowed, and his lips were drawn into a thin line.

"No?" I asked cautiously, throwing the blanket off my legs that I had just been lying under.

"You're not going anywhere, Elisabeth," he said seriously, as if a negotiation about it was not within the realm of possibility. "What do you mean?" My voice was still cautious, and I had to feel my way forward slowly to get anywhere.

"I mean you will stay here. With me."

I frowned, was it just his concern that wanted me to be safe because I had just suffered a loss, or was it something else?

"Sebastian, you're in danger if I stay here, you don't know what the cottage looked like when I arrived there, everything was devastated," I said calmly. He shook his head as if everything I could say was meaningless.

"Seb-"

"I said you will stay here, Elisabeth, and if I have to force you," he stood up now. This was not Sebastian as I knew him. He didn't seem carefree anymore, he didn't seem angry or desperate either. He seemed intimidating. I didn't dare say anything, so I backed away. Back onto the bed and pulled my knees up.

He sighed and hung his head, letting go of the fists he had just balled up and then came towards me cautiously. I didn't know what to expect, so I held my breath until he slowly knelt in front of the bed and looked at me with concern.

"I'm sorry," he said and reached out his hand, stroking my shin. I relaxed again, I didn't have to be afraid, he didn't want anything to happen to me, that was the reason.

"I don't want anything to happen to you," he whispered and looked directly into my eyes. "And I don't want anything to happen to you," I replied and stretched out my legs so that my feet touched the ground again. I slid over to him and his hand rested on my thigh.

"I can defend myself," he said seriously and it seemed to me as if he believed that I couldn't. "So can I," I replied, pushing his hand off my leg.

"Believe me, I know that," he said seriously. "But I don't want you to be forced to use the Killing Curse someday because-"

"I'm just waiting for it," I interrupted him. His gaze was first bewildered, then in denial, as if he couldn't believe what I had just said.

"What do you mean?"

"What do you think, why I wanted to learn it, Sebastian? Did you think I'd walk through history and throw Levioso around when people like Theophilus Harlow and Victor Rockwood walk around the world?" I had raised my voice, but he looked at me horrified.

"Elisabeth, you say that because you're grieving," he replied, which may also be the truth, but I didn't want to hear it.

"Yes damn it, my mother was murdered with the Killing Curse and I'm just waiting to avenge myself on the person who did it," I said through gritted teeth. Sebastian seemed to be struggling with himself, weighing up what he should say next.

"That's not something you can wash off yourself, you have to live with that forever, do you really want that?" he asked. I was sure. The moment I realized that she had died that way, I wanted to do the same to the person responsible. I wanted to see her murderer suffer.

"I will enjoy avenging her," I breathed and something changed in Sebastian's gaze, a sparkle appeared in his eyes almost as if he was... proud.

"If you really want that, then I'll help you."

I looked at him surprised. "You want to help me?" It surprised me because I knew how much he regretted giving himself over to the dark arts back then, but maybe I had misjudged him. Maybe Sebastian and I were ultimately just as dangerous.

"I remember the new fifth-year who was always by my side when I sent her an owl, I owe you something," he replied.

"You shouldn't do that because you think you owe me something, you don't owe me anything, Sebastian."

He snorted, "I owe you a lot, Hawkins," he said and then placed his hands on my cheeks. "You saved me from Azkaban, I would have lost my mind there," he leaned down to me and kissed me.

I wondered what was going on in his head. It had never been easy to understand him, but the fact that he could be proud that I wanted to go down this path seemed unreal to me. Maybe I had held onto the innocent in him too much. He had taught me so much. He had taught me the unforgivable curses, he contributed to what I could do and to what I was. He had ignited the dark spark in me and turned it into a fire.

I grabbed Sebastian by the collar of his sweater and pulled him towards me. I wanted to kill the feelings of guilt and pain, and I knew how to do it.

Sebastian let himself be pulled towards me.

"Beth," he said against my lips and pulled away. "You don't really want this," he whispered and stood up again.

"Of course I want this," I said snappily and looked at him with an annoyed expression. Why did he think he knew what I wanted?

"You're grieving and you're angry, but-"

"Oh please, Sebastian, stop patronizing me as if I were a child," I was bitter, sad, and angry all at once, and his rejection didn't make it any better. I felt rejected and exposed.

I wanted to get out of here, I didn't want to argue, I wanted to run away. My mind failed me. I didn't think long and searched for things I could wear. I put on a gray blouse and one of the short school uniform shorts that I could grab first. I put on my short boots, everything in a hurry, while Sebastian looked at me with a look of despair and confusion.

"What are you doing?" he asked in agitation. I didn't answer and grabbed my bag, he just didn't understand.

"I'm leaving here," I said coldly, but he was faster than me.

"Colloportus."

The door slammed shut and couldn't be opened anymore. I turned to him in annoyance and pointed my wand in a bored manner at the lock.

"Aloh-"

"Expelliarmus," my wand flew out of my hand, I looked at Sebastian in horror. "What's this?" I asked angrily.

"As I said before, Elisabeth," he leaned down to pick up my wand, "you will staying here."