arranged lover. - yang jeongin ff

"leave me alone please."

i already packed all my stuff to move with jeongin.

as i said goodbye to my parents it felt as all memories ran away from me.

text from "jeongin"
im outside.

i grabbed all my stuff and put it in his trunk.

the car ride was so silent.

i didn't like silence it made me feel like sad.

we grabbed our stuff and started unpacking with silence.

i always wondered why does jeongin hate me? i didn't wanna overthink it, but man what did i do?

i half finished packing because i was sleepy, and i fell asleep.

JEONGIN POV:

i hate this, i hate everything about it. i locked my door and finished unpacking by 4:20 am.

i layed down on my bed and grabbed a bottle of alcohol trying to run away from reality.

i felt numb. time went by slow. i wanted to end my life. i didn't wanna be in this bad nightmare anymore.

i grabbed a blade.

grabbed my wrist and went as deep as i wanted too.

knowing i was hurting myself, i deserved it. i deserve to die and not be here anymore. i wanted to be away from this bad life.

as i only put 3 deep cuts on my wrists. i couldn't feel anything. i didn't care if i did i wanted to die. disappear. i fell asleep in my bathroom as blood was splattered all over the floor with multiple tears on my face.

- next morning -

i showered and did everything i needed to do. i put on a long sleeve shirt with baggy pants and walked out of the house.

i put on headphones as i escaped from reality. i was glad it was a weekend, but it made me frustrated thinking i was going back to school in 1 day.

as multiple people call me, text me, or dm me. i never bothered answering as i didn't care.

5:30 pm.

i didnt eat the whole day but walked the whole time.

i am walking back home.

i opened the door and see camilla in the living room and she looked back at me and kept watching tv laughing, i went into my room, locked it, and went to sleep not caring about anything.

END OF POV.

CAMILLAS POV: i was trying to distract myself the whole day. over eating, watching tv, being on my phone. nothing seems to be okay.

i never felt so alone.

i wanted to go home.

but, i couldn't. because i don't have someone to call home.

i fell asleep knowing that im going through my downfall and there's nothing i can do.

- NEXT DAY -

as i woke up, i did everything to get ready for school.

i was done doing my makeup so i grabbed my bag and jeongin was coming out of the room and we were going to the bus stop, but again silence.

we were supposed to act in love, but me and him refused because this isn't "love".

i was just with some stupid arranged lover.

we went on the bus but we didn't sit next to each other.

all i someday hope for is for this awkwardness to go away. i would talk but even if i did i would get ignored. like he always does.

i mentally start punching myself because i am stuck in this marriage for years.

and there's no escape.

TIME SKIP TO GOING HOME:

we were going home and man school was ass. it was currently 3:00 and man i didn't realize i had a test today im pretty sure i passed but that still doesn't make me feel any better because there's a high chance im thinking to high of myself and gonna get karma on my ass and get a F.

me and jeongin walked into our apartment building. i like this apartment it's not small but not big. it's cute. but it still doesn't distract me from the fact i still wanna live with my parents.

jeongin went into his room slamming the door. i didn't know if it was on purpose or accident but ignored it because it's not my problem.

7:00 pm.

"YIPEE" i was so relieved i finished my school work and could rest now.

as i layed down i closed my eyes and was thankful for my comfy bed.

i heard a scream coming from jeongin's room and it sounded like crying.

i ran as fast as i could to his room freaking the fuck out as i thought he was getting murdered.

"JEONGIN" i opened the door not seeing him anywhere and went into his bathroom and looked down as i saw something i never expected.

my eyes started filling with tears not knowing what to do because im so in shock and no matter if i didn't know the person it still hurts seeing someone be in pain.

i saw a blade on the ground as blood was going down his wrist.

"jeongin oh my god." i ran to him seeing that i was just standing there.

i hugged him pulling him into my arms and i thought he was gonna push me knowing he doesn't like me.

but he didn't.

"leave me alone please." he said sobbing uncontrollably into my shoulder as i felt his tears warm up into my shirt.

"it's okay jeongin. you are okay. im here for you even though you don't like me." i didn't know how to comfort that well, but it ached my heart seeing someone self harming.

i tried to put my hand on his hair and play with it but i thought it was weird but it was just for the moment, but as soon as i was about too he flinched and started crying more.

i rethought about what i was doing so i just started playing with his hair and rubbing his back.

"jeongin please listen to me." i pulled him away and saw his burning red eyes.

"never again should you think you are in this alone. i know we aren't on good terms, but that doesn't distract me from knowing that you're hurting yourself. i also know you don't wanna get with me and me neither but we are going to have to get this over with. we have no choice. i don't know the reason why your doing this but just know you are important and i want these scars to heal. all that matters is that you are trying." i said as a few tears came out because i felt so bad. he nodded and went back into the hug.

he fell asleep and i didn't wanna wake him up so i stayed like this for another hour just to let him calm down.

hour later

"jeonginn" i said trying to wake him up. he started opening his eyes and i told him to go to sleep on his bed because he couldn't sleep in the bathroom floor.

as he was sleeping i grabbed a med kit and started to help the cuts from getting infected and doing it slowly since they were fresh.

i put band aids on them so he wouldn't distract himself and seeing the hurtful scars.

i put a blanket on him and cleaned his bathroom and went into my room going to bed thankful that i saw jeongin and helped him. not in a comfort way but in a physical way.