Shifting Gears

29. No More Implied Nonsense

Truly, I knew he wasn't doing anything with her. But my mind still liked to imagine up different scenarios.

"Even so, Lawson, out of anyone you could pick to 'get back at me', Par was a poor choice."

I scoffed, rolling my eyes. "Well, excuse me for not knowing that every single racer from Omayle is just as loutish as the last."

Greyson threw his hands up. "What the hell does that word even mean, Lawson?"

Huffing, I threw my own arms out. "Uncouth, or—"

"Don't know what that means either."

Glowering at him, I spat out. "It means rude. And aggressive."

"And why couldn't you have just used one of those words?"

"They're normal words!"

"Well, I'm sorry my hobby isn't eating dictionaries in my free time."

I let out a groan of frustration, my face heating up as I glared at him. I hated how easily he could rile me up. "This is besides the point."

Greyson shifted his stance, crossing his arms and making the muscles strain against the black t-shirt. But it wasn't like I noticed or cared.

"Did you just come here talk about Meagan and Par?" Greyson was challenging me.

I bit back a shout of aggravation I wanted to let out, that would surely wake up everyone within a mile. Instead I hissed through the thin line of my mouth, "You have got to be the single most annoying person on this earth, Greyson Ryvers."

"I think you hold that title, Lawson," he retorted, glaring at me.

"I literally just came here to tell you," I whisper-yelled at him, my cheeks red with frustration, "that I practically shouted to my brother and the whole world that I wanted to be with you, but now I'm not so sure, Greyson!"

He raised an eyebrow, saying with mocking surprise, "Oh, you made up your mind?"

I stomped my foot on the porch. It made a deep thud, and Greyson had the nerve to comment, "Nice little tantrum, didn't know I was talking with a toddler."

"Greyson!" My face felt like an oven, and I clamped my mouth shut as I realized I'd yelled a lot louder than I meant to and his green eyes gave me a stern reprimanding look at the outburst. My heart thumped in my chest. "I just pushed my brother over the edge. I just told him I basically made my choice to be with you rather than make amends with him. I just pushed him away. And you—" my voice cracked, and the shaky uneven breathing wasn't helping me. I was so frustrated, so hurt by my brother and so annoyed with myself if I pushed him away just to have Greyson treat me like this. "And you're standing there and acting like you don't even care."

Greyson grew blurry in my vision. I blinked hard, then again, and he cleared. The silence wrapped around us again, the crickets warily resuming their cacophony and my ragged breathing harshly invading the air.

He got blurry again, but I could see his sharp emerald gaze, latched onto me, unreadable right now. I inhaled shakily, letting my head fall to avoid his eyes. A curly strand of hair fell in front of my face, lit up like yellow tinsel in the light. I hugged myself, the leggings and t-shirt I'd thrown on not keeping me warm in the cool summer night.

"If you don't want this anymore, then let's stop messing around and just tell me because I can't take an unclear answer. And I know that's hypocritical of me when I couldn't give you an answer but—but I just pushed Clay away. I told him. And damn it, Greyson, I want to be with you! But if I lose Clay and then also you—" Suddenly, the millions of racing thoughts just coalesced in my mind and burst out of me in the form of a tear that spilled onto my cheek. I wiped it away quickly, mentally berating myself. But unfortunately, looking down to hide it just pushed another to fall. And then another. "Just please tell me now and I'll leave."