What Good Girls Do

Chapter Eight

"I don't feel sorry for you."

I purse my lips and inhale deeply, trying to calm myself. I hate her knowing all this about me. I dislike the weakness it shows. It makes me feel like she can see right inside under all the armour to the soft and fleshy parts I try to hide.

"I spoke to Tessa."

"What? Why?"

"Well, technically, she spoke to me about a week ago. You're not answering her messages and she's worried about you. Explain to me why a good, sweet person like Tessa would care about someone like you?"

"You've answered your own question again."

She growls under her breath.

"You know what I think bothers you? You didn't want to be friends on that first day. What you wanted was someone who would giggle and sneer alongside you whenever the people you had already decided to hate did something to confirm that hatred. You're annoyed you got treated exactly how you'd planned to treat everyone else. You hate spoilt brats, fair enough, but why go to a school full of them? What does that say about you?"

She looks at me for a long time and I know I've hit on a germ of truth. She stares out the window.

"I don't forgive you."

I exhale deeply, closing my eyes as pressure builds behind my eyes. Another bad night's sleep was catching up with me.

"Then don't. I didn't ask you to, and if you're not doing it for you, then you shouldn't."

Her lips narrow, and she stares at me in confusion.

"I'm only here because of Connor."

My heart speeds, and I squirm a little in my seat. I hadn't seen Connor since New Year's, and the truth was, I missed him. I still didn't understand what was going on with him, what the secrets around his conviction were and why I was being kept in the dark, but I didn't care. Connor had been the most unexpected part of my life since I'd found out I was pregnant, and though I didn't understand what that meant, or what I meant to him. It didn't stop the way I felt.

Sarah's watching me closely as if she can sense my thoughts. Then she sighs and runs her hand across her face. She turns away again.

"Our parents shouldn't have had kids, and they sure as hell shouldn't have had four of them. It's not like Mum learnt a lot about parenting from Nan. She's great now, but... she was a mess for a long time. Anyway... Connor's the oldest and when they were too far gone to care for us, he did. When most kids were busy gaming, he was making sure our little brother and sister had something to eat. He was changing nappies when he should have been doing homework. He was the one who helped me fill out the forms for that stupid scholarship. I did it for him. That's why I joined the Academy because I thought it would give both of us a better future. That maybe one day I could return everything he gave up for us. And he did it all with a smile. I don't know how he did it, but he did."

She bites her lip, eyes turning shiny even as she focuses on the street outside.

"Eventually social services figured out what was going on and... my little brother and sister were taken away. Nan looks as fit as an ox, but she can barely get out of bed some days... they weren't going to give her Becca and Simon, no matter how hard we fought. Connor was nearly eighteen anyway, and the Academy was only a bus ride away for me, so they didn't fight us coming to live with her. It broke his heart, losing them. He'd fought so hard and for so long. After that, he still smiled, but they weren't real smiles. Not really."

She looks at me now, and whatever she sees on my face makes hers soften. Her hands twist on her lap.

"Simon was sent to a family miles away, but Becca's just across the city. Probably only a few streets away from you. We never liked the family, but... she seemed happy. And then it started to change. She got quiet, lost weight, stopped calling, stopped wanting to see us. The family she was living with had an adult son. He doesn't live with them, but he was around a lot. His name is Christian Peters."