Tibette - My First, My Last, My Everything

Chapter three: How the tables have turned

Evening of the 11th February 2010, the art gallery

"So, what brought you back to the US?" Tina breaks the awkward silence, her eyes trained on her index finger circling the rim of her glass and avoiding Alicia's gaze.

"My Mom died and my Dad has Alzheimer's so, yeah," she shrugs.

"God, I'm so sorry," Tina looks up now.

"Well it is what it is. This helps. It's saving me," she gestures around the gallery at her sculptures and photography on display.

"Your Dad's in LA then? They left Georgia?" Tina questions, surprised to find them all the way over West Coast now.

"Yeah, they moved back to the US years ago. They'd always dreamed of living in Cali so they made it happen. And I'm glad they did. They had a good final few years together. I guess I just wish I'd come back sooner and got to spend some of it with them both. Just one of many regrets, I guess," Alicia frowns and Tina knows what she's referring to.

"Why did you do it then?" Tina asks, keen to get straight to the point.

"I don't know," she says and then pauses. She sighs heavily and runs her hands through her hair, glancing around the room as she does. "That's a lie. I know exactly why. I was in love with you and it would've hurt too much to keep in touch when you were so far away. I don't think I really realised that at the time, I hadn't really figured out that I was gay and I didn't think for a second that you were anyway. It just felt easier to let you go I suppose."

Tina sits silently eyeing her, weighing up the significance of what Alicia has just admitted. "Well, I respect your honesty. Thank you. That makes a lot of sense. I can't say it didn't hurt a lot though. You were and still are to this day the only person that knows about my childhood and it was heartbreaking losing the one person who I felt I could be myself with, the one person who got me."

"You mean- Bette doesn't know?" Her eyebrows shoot up, she looks surprised.

"She doesn't, no. So I'd appreciate it if you could keep it to yourself," Tina whispers, glancing over her shoulder to check that Bette isn't within earshot.

"But Tina, why? Haven't you guys been together for years? You can't live life keeping something like that bottled up!"

"I just wanted to leave that life behind. I wanted to start completely afresh. I don't want to be reminded of it and see pity in Bette's face. I don't want to feel like pitied," Tina explains, now looking anywhere but at Alicia.

"Oh Tina, come here," Alicia breathes and before Tina can even register what is happening, she takes her in her arms and holds her tightly. "Well I'm glad I'm here now so that you have someone at least who you can talk to about it. I'm so sorry I didn't keep in touch."

"I felt like you completely abandoned me," Tina murmurs.

"I know, I know. I'm so sorry. And I'd love to put that right," Alicia says now taking a step back and holding Tina at arms length.

Unbeknownst to Tina, Bette is watching them both and desperately trying to lipread. The body language has her mind reeling with questions.

"I'm kinda' lacking in friends right now, especially with all the drama off the back of my art. I'd love to be friends again. If you're willing, why don't we go grab a coffee next week?" Alicia asks, full of hope.

Tina considers her question for a minute. Truth is, Tina knows this is all she's wanted since the moment Alicia moved away. She longed for this moment for such a long time, but now that it's finally here she wonders whether it's too late in her life. She wonders whether too much time has passed. She also wonders how to feel now that she knows Alicia was in love with her all those years ago. Does she still have feelings for her?