One Less Star in the Night Sky

Chapter 2: Memories of a non-existent you (2)

Chapter 2: Memories of a non-existent you (2)

Cheng Yujin had disappeared. Along with his songs, along with all the variety shows that he had been on, and along with his entire fanbase. At this moment, I was definitely sober, conscious and thinking logically. But somewhere at the back of my mind, I couldn't help but wonder if there was something mentally wrong with me.

Was this person... just a figment of my imagination?

In my memories, the Cheng Yujin that I recognised was a famous celebrity who was a singer-songwriter. Throughout his career—as a support singer and keyboardist of a band, and subsequently as a solo artiste—which started when he was in university, he had written hundred of songs with many of them topping the charts. However, despite his early debut and popular songs, he was considered a singer whose songs were more well-known than his persona.

This was why I had grown up hearing Cheng Yujin's songs being played on the radio, at shops, at festivals, but I never knew the name or face of the singer behind the mellow and gentle voice. Even when I saw his name listed as the singer of the OSTs of my favourite dramas, it held no meaning to me. My ignorance of Cheng Yujin was so extreme that I had taken almost no notice of him when he appeared as a regular guest on the many variety shows which I watched. Whenever his face appeared onscreen, it was pretty much a blur to me. I was more interested in the other celebrity guests whom I was a passer-by fan of at that time.

While I knew that Guo Jialiang, one of my best friends from high school, had been a fan of a Cheng Yujin since he was in middle school, he gradually stopped sharing his idol-chasing activities with me when I showed zero interest in chasing stars. I suspected that Jialiang finally got the hint the day I was invited to read my essay in front of the whole school at morning assembly back in middle school. The essay was a criticism of the plight of youths chasing stars, which had won the third prize in a prestigious essay writing competition held at the provincial level.

It was only after an anonymous reader commented on my web novel, Snow Path, on jjwxc that Cheng Yujin's latest song "Like Frost" would make for a perfect OST if my novel were adapted into a drama series, that I truly started to take notice of him. After searching up "Like Frost" and listening to it, my first thought was that the traditional musical elements were indeed quite apt as a background soundtrack to my story, although the lyrics were too much of a tragedy for my happy ending. And when I listened to the song again, my heartstrings were stirred by gentle waves of nostalgia brought forth by Cheng Yujin's singing voice. The feeling of warmth and happiness that I experienced seduced me to continue listening to more of his songs. After listening to fifty of his songs in a carefully curated playlist which I had stumbled upon online, I searched up his public profile and binge-watched the variety shows he had been on. I even enjoyed some expired melons on his past dating scandals by reading the very few tabloid news articles on the web.

At the end of my three-weeks long introductory crash course to public figure Cheng Yujin, I concluded that I had at least became a passer-by fan after being mesmerised by his unique voice and songs that resonate with me. Though Cheng Yujin neither possessed an immortal-like appearance like most of the young idols these days, nor did he have a male model's body proportions, he was a charming and decent-looking man. Given that he was a professional singer-songwriter, having the perfect face and body was of low importance. It was a further bonus that Cheng Yujin had an interesting and fun personality on variety shows; and had a hardworking and diligent attitude towards work and life. Despite his career having a rocky beginning, Cheng Yujin overcame criticisms and challenges that were thrown at him, worked himself to the top of the entertainment industry, and was able to stand close to the pinnacle of the music scene today.

I believed that my obsession with Cheng Yujin was only fleeting and would come to an end when I lose interest in him or when another celebrity came my way. True enough, after three months of logging daily to Cheng Yujin's supergroup on Weibo, I lost my daily streak and no longer actively browsed videos of him. After all, I was never a serious fan. However, when Cheng Yujin released a new album a couple of months ago and actively promoted his new songs, I fell right back into the 'pit' again. Finally, I came to terms with myself that I was not a wife fan, a girlfriend fan or a mother fan. Coming from a literary, singing and musical background, I was just a fan of his songs and his singing voice.