The Blade in Gravity Falls

CHAPTER 9: IN WHICH FIGHT-FIGHTERS ARE FOUGHT FIGHTINGLY

"She's out camping with her family today." Dipper answered before muttering, "Maybe if you listened to her for once, you'd know that."

"What was that?!"

"I-I just said she's not here." said Dipper while thinking both, 'just because you want death doesn't mean you should be deaf' and 'I sure hope this teenager doesn't do something stupid.'

The teenager did something stupid. "No, no, no! You want to get into it, huh? Let's get into it, kid! You think I don't know what's been going on, huh? It's obvious you've got a thing for my girlfriend, don't you? Don't you?"

"What? No! C'mon man!" Dipper stuttered nervously.

"Yeah, I'm sure she's just dying to ask out a 12-year old kid who wears the exact same shorts every day." Robbie said sarcastically. "Hey, here's an idea: why don't I call her right now and see if she wants to go out on a date with you?"

"Hey! Look! Don't! Y-you don't have to!"

"Oh! Don't! Please, man!" Robbie mocked Dipper while holding up his phone which was dialing Wendy. "What are you gonna do, huh, huh? What, what?"

Wendy answered her phone and asked, "Hello?"

Before Wendy could say anything else or Robbie could talk to her, Dipper, fueled by panic, punched Robbie in stomach, grabbed Robbie's phone, and hung up on Wendy.

"Ugh, you punk!" roared Robbie, jumping towards Dipper. "Give me back my phone!"

The two boys were interrupted from one of the shack's windows by Stan. "Hey! I know a fight when I see one! Stay right there!"

Robbie ran towards Dipper, reaching for his phone. Robbie knocked the phone out of Dipper's hand, but didn't manage to get a good grip on it so the phone fell to the ground. The phone survived its fall, but when it hit the ground it opened Robbie's photos app.

"Wait, is that you in a cowboy costume? I was really expecting something more emo." Dipper said while looking at Robbie's phone. Not only had Robbie's photos been opened, but a slideshow had been created and had started automatically. The next slide showed Robbie asleep wearing a pink rabbit onesie, the photo presumably being taken by Robbie's parents.

Robbie finally woke up from his shock and grabbed his phone and stuffing it in his pocket. Robbie relaxed slightly after hiding his phone, before realizing Dipper saw the pictures. "You! You saw nothing. In fact, I better make sure you can't remember anything. No one can know about this side of me!" Robbie began to advance on Dipper while palming his fist (the threatening thing where you punch your open palm), causing Dipper to back towards the Shack.

Just as Robbie was about to charge Dipper, he saw something inside the shack. It was Grunkle Stan with a pair of brass knuckles, glaring at Robbie. Robbie would normally have postured, but something about Stan frightened him, so Robbie instead told Dipper, "You. Me. Circle Park. 3 O'clock." Before stalking away.

Stan came up behind Dipper with a bucket of popcorn as the younger Pines was catching his breath. "Aw, he's gone! I was gonna call the boys over to place a few bets." Stan paused to take a bite of popcorn. "The smart money's on skinny jeans." Dipper was to disturbed to respond to Stan, so Stan rested his hand on Dipper's shoulder, having already ditched the brass knuckles, "You alright kid? Let's go inside."

.

.

Dipper paced back and forth in front of the table where minutes previously he was playing poker fish while Mabel, Soos, Waddles, and Stan looked on with concern from their spots around the table. "What was I thinking?! I can't fight! I've never been in a fight before! Look at these noodle arms!" (ironically enough, because of his exercise program, Dipper has more muscles than Robbie.)