Shikwe

Chapter 3

My eyes fall shut. He still didn't put the fault on the shoulders it belongs to. Mine. I told him to not tell our families. I didn't want them to see how awful I really am.

My father clears his throat. "We heard everything you two talked about on the bridge. From the very first word to the very last syllable. You two clearly have problems. And as the father who just got to know of his daughter's condition, I want to take her home with me."

My eyes snap open to meet that of my father's. My husband's grip on my hand tightens. It's panic. I can feel it seeping out of his pores. "No." My father flinches. All eyes in the room widen. Including mine.

My father is a former army captain. He retired from the force early and opened an export house. He has always been a commanding person. No one I've ever known has been able to refuse him anything. And here is the man I married. We've talked about our families often, even though we weren't sure how or when we will face them, we needed some strands to hold on to.

"What do you mean 'no'?" My father's tone is sharp. It could cut through things like a knife. But  my husband's armor is strong. "I mean you can't take my wife away from me. The marriage might not have been infront of you but it did happen. Legally, we are husband and wife. And Seher is not a child that you can pick up and leave with. She is a grown woman, who is also my wife."

My father's jaw snaps. The voice so loud, my mother shifts in her seat. Reyansh's siblings look terrified of my father. He has two younger sisters. One is twenty six and doing her P.hd in psychology, the other is twenty eight and works with her father in their family business.

My sister sits beside my father. She is not scared, nor is she bothered by his outburst. Comes with being the elder child I assume. She is ten years older than me. She is successful, has a good career, but loneliness hollows her eyes. She has been divorced for a while now. None of us know the reason. We just know it happened.

"Yes. She is an adult. But she is still my daughter. My little girl, who has seen too much already. You think it was easy for me to watch my child lose her control and balance up on that bridge? Do you have any idea what I felt? No, you don't. I thought I'll lose my child. You'll understand when you have a child, everything that I felt today, you'll only know when you are a father."

The sheen returns to my husband's eyes. I snap my head to the side to look at him. He doesn't say anything. Just stares.

My father clears his throat again. "Seher. I want you to come with us beta. It's been so long since you came back home. Also, some time away will do you good. This country is too dull. Come home beta."

Reyansh turns to me. "You can't go. You have a home here, you have me, your job, your treatment. Everything is here. You want a change of scenery? That's fine. We can go somewhere else. But don't go like this. Please don't."

My heart hurts. Tears fall down my eyes as if they don't belong in them. This is what I wanted. To be away from him. To have him stop worrying about me and actually live a life. And yet I am crying. Crying at the thought of being away from him. I cup his cheek.

His eyes. All soft and drowned in love stare back at me with hope. He expects me to stay. To say no to my father. And I hope to stand on his expectations. But when have I ever been able to do that.

"Papa?"

"Yes, beta?"

"I'll come with you." I don't look at him. I know if I do ill change my decision. I stare at my father and then at my sister. Her eyes are on my husband, which then turn to me. She shakes her head at me. Defeated.

This is what I deserve. I break the heart that has done nothing but love me, so what did I expect in return? Applause? All eyes are on Reyansh while his haven't left my face. I don't need to look at him to know that.

I go upstairs to back my suitcase. It doesn't take much time with my mother and sister helping me.

And now that I walk down the stairs, I feel it. I'll miss this home. The one we built together. I fold my hands in a goodbye as well as an apology to Reyansh's family. None of them say anything. His parents pat my head with sad eyes and his sisters wave me a good bye with a sad smile.

The man I didn't know what to say to isn't here. Good for him. I don't deserve a goodbye, not after I crushed his heart with just a few words of mine.

I take one last look at the house before stepping out of it. My father helps load the car with my luggage. Rahul offered to drive us to the airport where my husband's jet waits to take us to India.

A hand clutches mine just as I reach for the door. My husband greets me with a sad smile and loving eyes.

Why? Why does he love me so much? Why can't he just blame me for all the shit I've put him through?

"Atleast give me a chance to see you off properly, sweetheart." His words graze my skin like a soft breeze, cooling my burning soul.

"I am sorry Reyansh. I really am."

"No, baby." He breathes the endearment out. Cupping my face and kissing my forehead.

"Go Seher. I won't stop you. But just know that I am sorry too. If I hadn't failed in keeping you happy, you wouldn't have thought of leaving me."

"That's not-" How could he blame himself? After all I've done, how could he think it's his fault. Before I even say anything, he opens the car door for me.

"If I loved you a little more, I probably would've been able to keep you. But I can't. I can't force you to stay, but I can't let you go either. I can't give up on us."

He shuts the door behind me just as the car starts moving. I look back at the man who has given me not one but many reasons to live when all I wanted to do was give up. I watch as the distance between us grows. So much so that I can no longer see him.

He isn't giving up. And what am I doing? I never even fought for him. It had always been him, keeping me alive, but what of me? I just killed the man he was, all because I couldn't keep his heart safe in my arms.

"Do you feel better?" My sister asks from beside me. "This is what you wanted. And you got it. I don't know what happened between either of you, where you started, but I know this wasn't supposed to be the end. Congratulations Seher. You ruined your life with your own hands."

"My life doesn't matter di. His does."

"Well then, you ruined his too."

"His was ruined the day I met him."

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