Savior

The Girl at the Party

^^^ Jaime

I was fourteen when I got my first girlfriend. I thought it was true love until she dumped me a week later. Then, I dated her best friend in retaliation for four months, and after her was some girl I met at the beach, and after her was the new girl in town.

And so on and so on, for the rest of my life.

I had never been alone. I had never wanted to be alone. I enjoyed the company of a woman: the kisses, the laughs, having someone to hold at night. Just the prospect of having no one to care for had my chest caving in.

So, when I had an opportunity to be with a woman, I seized it.

But, even though I'm not alone now, I can't help but feel... lonely.

The last few months had been filled with empty conversation and dull kisses, but I truly don't mind.  Because Jaime is nice and pretty and very loving and everything I could ever ask for. I may not be alone, but I feel alone. More alone than I have ever felt.

Even now, as I sit in this stuffy restaurant listening to her talk about her new professor excitedly, I find myself feeling isolated.

I feel alone, even though she is right in front of me.

And I can't help but blame a certain red-head.

I was fine before she came climbing onto my balcony and I was fine with my beautiful girlfriend. But, ever since she showed up I have been neglecting Jaime and thinking ill of someone who doesn't deserve it.

Instead of listening to Jaime talk about one of her passions, I am distracted. Distracted by memories of the smell of strawberries wafting around me, by a warm body pressed up against mine and holding me tight in comfort, by lips so red they put roses to shame.

Lips that I had almost kissed the other day.

And just like that, I force myself to push those thoughts away and listen to the only girl I should be thinking about in that way.

My mum raised me better than that.

"... She hasn't even shown up to class in three days. How am I supposed to talk to her about my grade when she isn't even there?"

She flips her long chestnut hair behind her shoulder and I can't help but admire how beautiful she is. How lucky I really am. Something I have to keep reminding myself not to take advantage of.

"Maybe you could e-mail her?"

A fond smile falls on her plump lips and she reaches across the table to grasp my hand, "You're so smart, monkey. What would I do without you?"

I squeeze her hand slightly while trying not to grimace because my suggestion really wasn't that great, just common sense, and I really really hate that nickname. But, she sounds so happy saying it and I know it's a term of endearment, so I grin and bear it.

I'm also trying to lessen my guilt since I have been extremely MIA in our relationship in the last month. I keep telling myself that I just got busy, but I know a large part of that is because of Layla.

Even though Layla is just my friend, it feels wrong to be with her more than I am my own girlfriend.

Jaime deserves better, I know she does.

"What time do we have to be at Eliza's party?"

The reminder makes me groan and I slip my hand from hers to check the time on my phone. Eliza and Niall are having some anniversary party because they have officially been together for three years now and just love to rub it in everyone's faces.