Hang It Up | ONC 2023

6. Pas de Deux, of a Kind

Everything is falling apart.

Our lunch break is over far too quickly, and despite a great deal of research, we are forced to leave the cafe with more questions than answers.

Even the sky agrees we're doomed, greeting us with nothing but grey clouds so dark they cause the streetlights to illuminate in the early afternoon.

"They're going to know something is up," I say, slipping my hand into Rafa's and tugging a little until he looks down into my eyes. "If we keep acting like this no one will believe we are happy."

"I know," he sighs. "I'm sorry. I don't know what's going on with me."

"We'll just leave it be for now. We'll have plenty of time to figure it out tonight, okay?" I offer. "There has to be some way to make this work. We always do our best thinking when we're dancing, right?"

"Not really," he laughs. "I seem to recall you once deciding garbage bags could be taped together to make a balloon mascot?"

"Shut up," I tease, nudging him with my shoulder. "If I can think of something that far out of the box, I'm sure I can figure this out. If nothing else, we can always get married by proxy back home. Start thinking about a person you trust to pretend to be you and keep everything a secret. Just in case we have to go that way."

"Why would someone pretend to be me?" He spins to face me, waiting for the traffic to stop so we can cross the street. "And what is marriage by proxy?"

"I have a cousin who did it," I answer as well as I can remember. "Basically, you can appoint someone to attend the wedding in your place. It's abnormal, especially for both parties to stand by proxy, but it's possible. I'm still looking into places we could get to around here, though. There has to be somewhere like European Vegas where you can just get married super easy, right?"

He shrugs. "Let's look into other options first. Or maybe other apartments. I don't want to take the risk of someone back home knowing what's going on. If it got back to my mother, I think she would die."

"Your mother loves me," I tease again, trying desperately to lighten the mood. The sky rumbles as the rainstorm and darkness approach us, reminding me there's no hope of lightening anything.

"I doubt she'd love finding out I married you and didn't invite her, though."

"Oh." The thought hits me right in the center of my chest. "I hadn't thought of that."

What were we going to tell our parents and friends about this? Were we just going to divorce and pretend it never happened? What about when we decided to get married in the future and needed to provide our proof of divorce?

All the anxiety and uncertainty swirls back in, but I've agreed to this. One year of being spontaneous and enjoying life in Europe and abroad and then hopefully a promotion and enough money for a better apartment. It's just a temporary measure to bring us back into line with our finances. It's just for us to be here. To be able to adventure. For me to stop being so closed off.

Rafael tells me all the time I have so much to give, but all I can think is that there is so much more I could be giving if I weren't choosing not to.

This is my year to step out of myself and make my dreams happen. And I'm not going to let a silly little marriage law get in my way.

No. I'm going to figure it out. I'm going to stay in that cute little house and marry my best friend and work my tail off until I gain that promotion. I will be a principal dancer here in Paris. And I will prove everyone wrong.

I can do this. And I'm not going to be stopped by a little marriage snag. "Don't worry, Rafa. I'll figure it out."

"You don't have to do it alone, you know?" He wraps his arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his side.