[ONGOING] Assassin's Creed Oneshots (REQUESTS OPEN - SMUT INCLUDED)

𝛦⍺𝒔𝑡𝑒𝙧 𝕊ⲣ𝑒𝚌𝑖⍺/

Odin help me, here we go again- (and yes this is very late I had writer's block-)

-.〚࿏〛.-

I wake up, looking at the deadly laser that had just assaulted my eyes-also known as the sun. Groaning a bit, I drag my sorry ass out of bed. I grab some clothes at random and come up with a slate gray hoodie, white T-shirt and jeans. So I put those on, rake a hand through my hair and open my bedroom door.

"ASH!" I hear Jacob yell as I get tackled and nearly fall down the stairs. "What in Odin's name-Jacob, what the fuck?" I ask, getting up. "We need to pull a prank." he says.

"What kind?" I ask as I walk with him. "You know how Ezio gets when we commit food crimes," he says. "And I heard from Leo that he's making spaghetti."

"You're seriously not thinking of-"

"Yes I am," Jacob says. "And before you try to deny it Ash, I know you love chaos."

"You're gods-damned right," I reply, a smile growing on my face. "When do we start?"

Timeskip brought to you by the writer downing 2 iced coffees in a day-

"Ash," Shay says, shaking my shoulder. "ASH!"

"What?" I mumble.

"You zoned out again."

"What was I doing?"

"You and Jacob were going to help Ezio and I cook dinner for later, remember?"

"R-right, I'll go help Ezio with the spaghetti."

So I walk over to the pot of spaghetti where Ezio and Jacob were dicing tomatoes for Ezio's homemade tomato sauce which is absolute heaven, but it'll be a wreck by the time Jacob and I are done with it. I grab a raw spaghetti noodle from the bag and munch on it. "Ma che (What the)- Ash! Cosa stai facendo?! (What are you doing)"

"Snacking," I reply as I grab a small handful of spaghetti noodles, break them and add it to the pot. "Ma che cazzo (What the fuck)? Out of all the people in this house, I thought you would be the one who was the most unlikely to commit crimes against food!" Ezio screeches, brandishing a wooden spoon threateningly. "Hey, it was just a prank, Ezio calm down-" I say before having to dodge a wooden spoon. "Hey look, is that Cristina over there?" I ask, pointing to a random part of the house.

He looks and I make my escape, signaling to Jacob that now was the time to dump the ketchup in. "CHE CARICO DI MERDA DI CAVALLO! STRONZO! (What a load of horseshit. You fucker)

"Sorry, but I needed to do that at least once!" I say. "Blame Jacob! He's the one who came up with this idea!"

"Ash, why?" Jacob whines before Ezio turns on him. "It's nothing personal!" I yell before running out of the kitchen. While I run, I bump into Edward, who looks confused as fuck-and rightly so, I had just ran from the kitchen looking insane. "Whoa, love! What did you do?" he asks me, lightly gripping my shoulders.

"I may have pranked Ezio with Jacob by breaking the spaghetti noodles and told Jacob to put ketchup in Ezio's tomato sauce, then thrown Jacob under the bus for it-"

"Fuck," Edward says, his grip on my shoulders tightening a bit. "You and Jacob are both screwed."

"I know." I reply. And then I hear Ezio screeching and coming towards me. "Merde (Shit)." I mutter.

"Ash, you lying pezzo di merda (piece of shit)!" Ezio yells.

"There's no reason for such language mate," Edward says. "All they did was play an innocent prank on you with Jacob. Jaysus, if I knew Italians were this picky about food..."