Frowned Upon [H.S. AU]

TEN

"I need to know, if this is mutual.

Before I go, and get way too involved."

✿ ✿ ✿

IRIS MONROE

October 15th, 2021

This past month of helping Naomi improve her reading skills and learning how to read independently has been one of the best experiences I could ever ask for as a teacher.

Not that it's been easy.

She's improved immensely over such a short amount of time. Her confidence has skyrocketed when it comes to reading with me, and she no longer mumbles the words of each book we read through. We're still working on her confidence when reading to or for others.

During our last session, I asked her to read one of her favorite books to Phoebe. It's one of the books I'm sure she could recite without even looking at the pages at this point.

Phoebe smiled kindly the entire time, though I'm sure she couldn't understand a word Naomi was reading because she was so quiet. I don't think I've ever heard her speak so softly, but it was a turning point in our work.

Naomi opened up to me shortly after that, during our next session, when we decided to read outside again. She told me she didn't like reading for anyone other than me because it was scary.

My heart nearly broke in half when I saw her green eyes starting to tear up. I didn't hesitate to bring her into a tight hug as she told me how reading to someone other than me felt. She told me she was embarrassed and didn't like how reading to Phoebe made her feel, and I repeatedly assured her that she did a fantastic job.

She told me she felt dumb, not only at that moment but in class, when she struggles to keep up as well. I gently wiped the tears off of her reddened cheeks and assured her that she is growing and learning at her own pace, and that's okay.

Along with telling her that the word dumb isn't nice and that we shouldn't say that word when talking about ourselves or others.

That day, I read to her during our entire session. We sat on one of the couches in the poolhouse, and she stayed tucked under my arm and hugged me tightly while I read some of her favorite stories.

It was clear she needed a break, and I had no problem helping her calm down and relax.

When I first agreed to tutor Naomi, I was utterly terrified that I would get in trouble with the school if they managed to find out. Luckily for me, they haven't. However, after the first week, I finally told Scarlett, and she was happy that Naomi was getting extra help from someone she listens to.

She even offered to join or take over if I needed extra help or couldn't attend a session.

I might not have specified where I was tutoring Naomi...

But now that I've had the opportunity to teach Naomi in a different environment and learn more about her identity as a kid rather than a student, I'm so thankful that I agreed. I think a part of me doesn't feel scared of getting caught anymore because I know deep down that nothing could make me regret my decision.

It feels like Naomi has become more than a student to me, but I'm unsure how to explain it.

Our session today has been going very smoothly. Naomi's mood has been much more positive and energized, and I think her break during our Tuesday session was much needed.

She met me at the door, jumping up and down in excitement at my arrival. It didn't take long until she held my hand tightly and led me to the living room to start reading. I barely had any time to wave to Phoebe on my way in.