Worth The Fight ✓

Chapter Twenty Three

QUOTE OF THE CHAPTER:

"Confession is not betrayal. What you say or do doesn't matter; only feelings matter. If they could make me stop loving you-that would be the real betrayal."

― George Orwell, 1984

Dedication: @euphxric (for her sweet comment on the previous chapter)

***

CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE

"Calvin."

"Yes."

I love you. Before saying it aloud, I repeat it inside my head for several times to get used to the words. I'm not a type of it; but after realisation, I know I have to let it slip out of my mouth before things go complicated - before it's too late.

I open my mouth but those words never come out. Instead, Calvin's mother appears at the door and stares at us with wide open eyes.

"Guys," she whispers, "what are you doing here in the morning?" Then, her eyes slide onto Calvin. "Why didn't you invite Jack in?"

"Mum, I didn't want to wake you up," Calvin elaborates but I can sense the shyness in his voice - he is nervous that his mother has just scolded him in front of me.

Isobel shakes her head at him, in turn glancing at me. "Coffee or tea?"

"Isobel, you don't need-"

"Coffee or tea," she demands.

"Coffee."

Then, she ushers us in. It's been a while since I've been here so I gaze around to see if everything is the same. Of course it is, why would anything change? I have that odd assumption about anything - it feels like when I don't go somewhere for a long time or don't see a person, it feels like they've changed. As if now they're completely different. Sometimes it happens; people change. But not necessarily when distance kicks in. Sometimes a person changes right in front of you, day by day or minute by minute, but you don't realise it. You can't do anything to change that either. One day you look and bam, that person is far different than the one you thought you've known. I want to believe that Calvin never changes. And we never change. But deep down it's also a miracle because the only permanent thing in life is the change itself.

Minutes later, I am telling Isobel about my grandfather, and we are drinking our coffees. During the conversation, they are both silent as though they are just listening to me and letting me pour down everything. I've not realised that there is a lot to pour down and I am doing my longest speech ever. It makes me happy though; my grandpa is a man worth telling.

"Seriously?" Isobel cuts me off for the first time. I've been telling about my grandpa teaching me how to swim. When  I was five, he said he was going to teach me how to swim and it turned out that he actually meant he would  push me into the pool and I would fight for my life; eventually end up learning how to swim. "How did he take the risk? Oh God." She presses her hand against her chest. She looks at Calvin and I notice her expression softens and a ghost of smile plays on her lips. "I could never do that."

"My mother is a risk averse."

"No Calvin, it's a huge risk to take!" She turns at me. "How did your parents let him?" She takes a sip from her coffee but her eyes are drawn to me with interest.

They weren't even there. "I guess they trusted grandpa. I am not sure."

"For God's sake, mum, she was five. Stop asking for details."