The True Confessions of a Nine-Tailed Fox

Chapter 87: Queen's Friend

Katu froze in place. "Trying to force thee to go to court? No one is trying to force thee to go to court."

"But they are! They all are! Even thou!" Lodia slumped over the table, her shoulders heaving with sobs. "Everyone says, 'Thou must push thyself, Lodia,' and 'Thou must make a name for thyself, Lodia,' and mayhap no one says, 'So thou can redeem thy mother's name, Lodia,' but I can tell that's what they're thinking! No one asks me what I want! What if I don't want to make a name for myself? What if I just want to live a quiet, peaceful life as a nobody and be forgotten when I die? I saw what happened to Mother, and she wasn't even trying to make a name for herself!"

Ah. Was that the true problem here?

On the Koh household altar stood two red memorial name plaques. I hadn't given them much thought, but now I flew across the room to read them, avoiding the incense stick. Lodia's grandmother lit one every morning, sticking it into a polished bronze brazier and praying silently for a few moments. The scented smoke wafted up before the name plaques, one of which bore a male name and the other a female name, presumably Lodia's paternal grandfather and mother.

With such a young baby in the house, I'd assumed that her mother had died in childbirth, but it seemed there was more to the story. "Oh, Piri," I could almost hear Stripey sigh.

Behind me, Katu had finally steeled his nerves and was lowering himself onto the bench next to Lodia. Some things never changed: None of the men at Cassius' court had known what to do with crying women either.

"'Tis all right," he soothed, before even he realized how inane that sounded. It patently was not all right, not if she were sobbing her heart out. "'Twill be all right, Loddie. Thou shalt see. I am here for you, we all are. 'Twill be all right."

I'd never understood why humans responded to such generic comments, but they had the usual effect. Lodia's shoulders stopped heaving quite so hard.

To calm her further, I landed on her head and ran my beak through her hair in time to his words. After another moment, she stopped crying, although she left her head buried in her arms. That might have been to hide a splotchy face, though. Not everyone could weep beautifully.

There, there. Feeling better now? I made my voice soft, like Mistress Jek's on the days when she wasn't too exhausted and the children weren't misbehaving too badly.

The crown of Lodia's head bobbed. "Mmhmm, thank you – " All of a sudden, she jerked up so fast that she launched me into the air. "Forgive me, noble spirit! Forgive my disrespect!"

Katu had put out a hand when she jumped. Now he gawked at her. "Loddie? Why art thou afraid of little Pip? She's just a sparrow spirit."

Just a sparrow spirit indeed! I considered pecking him.

Wiping her face (which was indeed splotchy) with the handkerchief he offered, Lodia explained, "Nay, Katu, Pip is no ordinary sparrow spirit."

That was certainly true, although I didn't think anyone could infer what she was implying from the way she furrowed her brow and widened her eyes. Katu, while politically opinionated, was not the most politically astute person around, so he stared blankly.

Giving up, she spelled it out for him. "Pip is – wait, but your name isn't truly Pip, is it? How shall I address you?"

I shrugged my wings. Pip will do.

"Thank you, noble spirit. Katu, Pip is a – " And she mouthed something that I lip-read as: "Queen's spy."

Katu still stared blankly. "I can't make out what thou art trying to say – oh! Did you say a – " And he lowered his voice to a whisper. "A queen's spy?"