A Storm Is Brewing

Returning

I've never felt so alone.

It wasn't a reflection on Sophie; she was doing all she could to hold me together at a time when she was barely holding herself together. I hated that I couldn't just be strong. I took a seat outside the hospital, finding a bench that was secluded so I wouldn't be recognised, just another shitty part of my shitty life. I hated that I couldn't be grateful. My tears fell silently, one by one, until my vision was blurred and my breathing got worse.

This is never going away.

But once again, Sophie was there. Maybe not in person, because we couldn't both leave Teddy, but a simple beep from my phone managed to stop those tears from falling.

Sophie
My arms are open when you come back, Le. I love you.

She was telling the truth; they were always open. The night I arrived home from Brazil, they were open. The day I cried from 5 a.m. until 7 a.m. without stopping because Teddy's skin looked sore and swollen, they were open. The night I had a panic attack in the toilet attached to our side room on the ward, they were open. In every moment, Sophie's arms were open to me, ready to hold me close to her chest and allow my heartbeat to match hers. That's why it hurt so much that sometimes I needed to bolt—needed to be anywhere but that room. Not because I didn't love her, but because I loved her too much to keep being the person who needed comforting.

Sophie's message had sparked that initial glimpse at my phone that night, my fingers automatically scrolling through the other messages I had received. Messages from people that I barely knew to the people that I knew best. The messages from my teammates soothed my broken heart.

Lia
I've got you. Whatever happens, the whole team is behind you and Sophie. LW2 x

Beth
I can't begin to imagine what you're going through right now. We love you, we can't even begin to describe how much our hearts are breaking for you both but with parents as strong as you we know he'll battle through. Lots of love, Beth and Viv x

Caitlin
Mate, I'm thinking about you every second. Send Sophie my love too and if there's anything at all that we can do please let us know x

Rafa
What can I say? Nothing that will make you feel any better right now. We love you and we always have you. Tell Sophie that too x

Jen
You know where I am, Leah. At the darkest point in my life you stood right beside me, I'll do the same for you. Whatever you need. Same for Sophie x

Kim
Every wish that I've got is being used on your little man right now, Leah. Stay strong, thinking of you both x

Jordan
Hey Gremlin, I'm really sorry that you're going through so much right now. I can't stop thinking about you and Sophie, and the little man. If he's anything like you he'll slide tackle his way into recovery, and if not and he's more like Sophie then he'll find some legal shit that means he has to get better. Sending all my love x

I chuckled at Jordan's message, mostly because it was followed by an is that totally inappropriate? I wasn't laughing at the situation or anything message.

The next one hit me hardest. The next one said everything that I needed it to say without saying very much.

Alex
I love you, my G.

— — — —

Alex's ability to always know what I needed made it no surprise that she was there when I entered that room that day.

"Hello mate." She smiled, opening her arms to me.
"What brings you here?"
"It's a flying visit; I thought you could do with a hug when you got here."
"I appreciate that. Where are you off to today?"
"Taking Mum for afternoon tea, was going to call around tomorrow and see if Sophie wanted to grab some lunch."
"She'd like that." I smiled.