Red-Back Spiders

Red-Back Spiders - Draft

I closed the door quietly behind me, moving swiftly towards the lump under the covers. As I got nearer, soft cries and sniffles were heard from under the covers. I sat down on the edge of her bed.
"It's alright now sweetheart, I've got you." I cooed to her. Her head popped up from beneath the covers.
"Why didn't you stop him mummy?" She asked, tears spilling from her eyes leaving her cheeks glossy. I looked down in shame, not knowing how to tell my daughter I was too afraid of her father, of his cruelness, to stand up for her and take the beating. It was normally me who would cop the beatings, even if his rage was directed at one of our children, he would always beat me. We sit there in silence as I have nothing to say to my precious daughter, who was now developing a large, red handprint on her cheek.

The silence between us lasted for another ten minutes and I could feel her cold, hard stare boring into the side of my head accusingly.
"Come on sweetheart, we have chores to do." I said, interrupting the silence. She didn't speak as she got up, she didn't even look at me as she left the room, heading for the kitchen to clear it from breakfast. I stared at the ground, what kind of mother am I if I cannot even protect myself, let alone my children? I'm a disgrace! I walked down the hall, my feet dragging, feeling as if I'd been shot a million times. Lilly had already cleared the plates, cups, cutlery and napkins from the table and had stacked them at the sink, waiting for me to wash them up before she reset the table. I don't deserve a daughter like Lilly, I thought as I ran the water for the sink. I retrieved the duster, broom and dustpan from the closet in the hallway leaving them resting against the dining table. I turned the water off which had nearly overflown onto the floor, which would have created more work for myself. I placed all of the cups, plates and cutlery into the hot soapy water to soak as I picked up the duster.

I moved through the little house, dusting everything off before I started sweeping. As I pushed the small specks of dirt across the floor with the help of the broom, I thought about my Lilly and what she had said to me before. John wasn't always that way- mean, cruel, uncaring- he was a nice, happy and charming young man when I first meet him, and things were good for a while after we got married, until Billy came along, that is. John changed as soon as Billy was born, he became moody, grumpy most of the time, but mostly it seemed like he was uninterested in being a father, like all he wanted in life was a wife, no children, just a wife. He never told me why he never wanted to be a father, but I assume it had something to do with his own father. John never introduced me to him nor did he ever mention him. Then Lilly came along and he got worse, he became violent and it was directed at me, like I had somehow had this child on my own and he now had to provide and care for it, but I knew from the way he reacted with Billy, he couldn't handle it. But now he was getting worse, the worst he had ever been. I knew he was weighted down by the fact that money was tight and there was little rainfall out here in Outback Australia, but he was not only taking it out on me now, in places where people can see because I cannot cover the bruises up, but he was now taking it out on the children as well. I didn't know what to do. Last night he was angry, dinner had gone cold before he had even come inside, so his hand became a fist and connected with my eye before I had even realised what was happening. Lilly's question rang through my mind, repeating itself over and over again, and I didn't have an answer. I am afraid of my abusive husband but I don't want to leave him as there will always be hope in my heart that he will change, but as the days go on, my hope is fading.

I swept the dirt into the dustpan before emptying it into the bin near the sink. The plates, cups and cutlery had soaked nicely in the hot soapy water which meant they were easy to clean. I stacked them next to the sink, wanting them to dry a little before I dried them manually.
"Lilly?" I called, wondering where she had gone. Light, angelic footfalls trotted down the hallway before she appeared in the doorway of the kitchen. She looked at me and I opened my arms, her arms hugging my waist tightly as she embraced me.
"Can I help you make lunch?" She asked me. I smiled down at her, nodding.

Just as Lilly and I had finished preparing sandwiches for lunch, John, Billy and Danny walked through the door, sitting down in their seats.
"I'm hungry." John said flatly. I quickly moved his sandwiches onto his plate and gave them to him. He started eating them while I dished up everyone else's. We sat in silence during lunch. The minutes ticked by slowly causing the silence to become uncomfortable for some unknown reason. I glanced over at Lilly's plate and saw that she hadn't finished her sandwich and wasn't even attempting to start the second half of the meal. With John seeing this too, I noticed that his nostrils flared and he placed his sandwich roughly on his plate, as he started the motion to stand up most likely to repeat what had happened earlier today but this time, I wasn't going to stand for it. As he rose in his chair, I straightened out of mine. If he thought he could just hit our daughter and get away with it again, he's wrong. I'm not letting this go on without a fight.
"What are you doing?" He asked angrily, staring into my eyes.
"I'm defending my children." I said back icily. His eyes seemed to darken and a smirk plastered his lips as if he'd realised something.
"You pathetic excuse of a mother. Look at you, you're fat and ugly and weak." He said before walking out the door, chuckling.
"Well at least I don't abuse my wife and children." I whispered after he had gone. How do I even put up with him anymore? My faith in him had disappeared in the space of an hour. Why should I stay here anymore, I can take care of myself and my family, I do not need him anymore, I thought to myself as I looked into the faces of my two children. I do not need him anymore.