Kalon

Chapter 26

“I talked to mom today.” Chaeyoung says just as Y/n opens her mouth to tell her.

Y/n closes it again and stares at the demon on the screen for a good minute before she speaks again. “How is she doing?”

Chaeyoung turns to look at her. “She’s okay. She says she’ll make it to my graduation.”

“That’s good.” Y/n nods, clearly seeing the accusation in her sister’s eyes.

“She asked if you’re mad at her.” Chaeyoung mumbles. “She thinks you are.”

“Why would she think that?” Y/n sighs, already tired before the conversation has even started.

“You know how she is.” Chaeyoung frowns. “When you get like this… you know, distant, she thinks it’s her fault. She blames herself and it’s not helping. It’s triggering her panic attacks.”

Y/n keeps looking at her sister with a blank look on her face, not really knowing what to do with the information. “You make it sound like it’s my fault she relapsed.”

Chaeyoung shrugs. “No, but you could try a bit harder to help. She thinks you’re starting to blame her for…” She says carefully, like she’s treading on thin ice. “For the things you went through—”

“I don’t blame her.” Y/n interrupts her harshly, her jaw clenching.

Why does everyone think Y/n is suffering because of her past? Why the hell isn’t anyone just asking her how she feels about it instead of treating the subject like something that needs to be avoided in order for Y/n to hold herself together?

She’s not a ticking time bomb. “I’ve never blamed her. You guys keep thinking that.”

“It wouldn’t hurt you to call her. She’s our mom. When was the last time you talked to her?”

That would be the night after Y/n and Lisa got into that fight. They message each other from time to time but no, Y/n hasn’t made an effort to call her.

“I’m not good at talking.” Y/n shrugs. It’s not exactly a lie, but it’s not the whole truth.

She doesn’t want to talk to her.

Because she’s doing okay, she’s not as much of a mess anymore and she has somewhat of a control over her life and her emotions. She’s feeling okay, and she doesn’t want it to end yet.

It would drag her down with her again, like it always does. Her depression.

That, and she knows her mom always feels worse after talking to Y/n. She’s overheard her saying it to her father once.

And Y/n never said she was a good daughter. That’s Chaeyoung’s job.

“Sometimes I wonder if you’re really the older one here.” Chaeyoung mutters under her breath. Y/n instantly tenses at her sister’s words. Chaeyoung opens her mouth in shock, shaking her head. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that—”

“Yeah, you did.” Y/n sits up and throws the blanket over the back of the couch instead. “I’ll call her tomorrow.”

Chaeyoung’s face falls. “Y/n, please—”

“I lied” Y/n interrupts her once she’s stood up. She takes a deep breath before she says “I like Sana. Not just as a friend.”

Chaeyoung blinks at her with owlish eyes. “You…”

“We’re not… we’re not really dating, but I thought you should know.” She leaves the room, and her face crumples a bit because Chaeyoung’s words hurt more than she’d like to admit.