❝I know it's hard for you to be friends with a girl without objectifying her - but lucky me, not everyone's you!❞
❝Oh yeah. 𝙁𝙧𝙞𝙚𝙣𝙙𝙨. The lady goth protest too much.❞
❝𝘿𝙤𝙩𝙝, Gavin. Doth.❞
→ From Van Zandt family disappointment and Grade 8...
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I think it would be fair to say at this point, despite group and my meds, the endless spiral of my mental health had taken a significant dip over time.
I didn't know Rick Murray. I never talked to him. We had Math and Science together up until he was kicked out, and I never got within five feet of him after I heard he hurt Terri. I didn't know why I treated him with apathy instead of contempt like I treated Jay, and before that, Spinner. I barely have the words to convey it years later, after...everything else.
Maybe it was that I knew Spinner and Jay wouldn't actually lay a hand on me. On some level, I knew — or maybe I didn't and acting out against them was an experiment of sorts. How terrible will you turn out to be? Here's Audrey, the human litmus test.
Maybe I didn't interact with Rick Murray because he already failed that test. I didn't really know about him until Jimmy told me what happened months before. He was just some guy in my classes that I had no interest in talking to. And when no one reported it, I was pretty casual about that too. I was used to terrible things going unaddressed, and telling someone with actual power to do something about it only seemed to make things worse.
But I'm getting off track because this isn't about Rick. It's about Terri. I think that's where everything went wrong from the start.
So, I didn't get into that short story collection, despite my best efforts. It mostly came down to genre, which was fair — but Ms. Campanelli was so impressed with the piece I submitted (and deeply unsettled by it, by her own omission), that she sent it to an industry friend who happened to publish a bi-annual magazine called Gothic Tales.
I got the official letter in the mail Thursday afternoon, and I was so excited, I didn't know who to tell first. It ended up being Ellie, because Ellie of course would understand. I was actually on my way to group and would be heading to the mall to hang out with Manny afterwards, and I decided I would casually mention it. Social cues were hard and not everyone would totally grasp how huge this was outside of 'yay, something amazing is happening for my friend' , which was fine.
Everyone in group aside from Ellie was mildly happy for me.
Manny, while excited for me, didn't really...get the whole fiction writing thing. I laughed when she suggested I should make horror movies instead so she could make the costumes. I said I'd only make a horror flick if she played the lead and became the final girl. She quickly and adamantly said no, but I could tell something might've stuck when her gaze went all dreamy and distant as we walked.
Even then, while she might not have gotten the writing thing, she did buy me a celebratory cinnamon roll at the mall, and that counted for a lot.
When I told my mom, she was happy enough, but I knew it was a sort of downgrade in her eyes from all the things she dreamed up for me. She tried, though — even if she didn't totally get it. She said we'd go out to eat for dinner on Friday like I was ten and it was my birthday.
