My mediocre poetry

the observations of a teenage spectator of life

guess who's back at square 1?

me.

more visits with him are like continually reaping fruit

from a diseased tree.

and eating it

all day.

then wondering why you can't stop vomiting.

it's because you were just ingesting literal poison.

imagine that.

poison makes ya vomit.

who would've guessed.

he wants to move away

he told me so

he told me how close he came to doing it

without saying anything

and cutting us off forever.

oh the luxury he has

to decide to never want to see us again.

to decide to not want us.

imagine having the freedom to only do what's best for you.

and nobody else.

isn't there a word for someone like that?

someone completely void of empathy?

oh yeah.

"psychotic".

i got glared at today

because i had chores to do

that my sister let slip through the cracks

because i clean up everyone's messes

it's what i do.

i got yelled at today

for helping a lost dog find it's way home

after it was almost hit by a car

stay safe clifford

you're a good boy and i don't want you to get lost again.

i got gaslit and manipulated today

the conversations i had three times over never happened.

it didn't happen the way i saw it.

i

must

be

crazy.

no.

i am only disrespectful.

thats it.

i got harshly judged today

because i fell short of his

expectations

i didn't make it about him.

apparently

" i t s n e v e r a b o u t h i m . "

and that's my fault.

o b v i o u s l y ,

it's

always

* m y *

fault.

and im sorry

okay?

i didn't mean to.

sometimes being a spectator sucks.

you accidentally meddle with things

and you break them.

sometimes so badly that they can't be fixed.

like a family for example.

or stability.

or self-esteem.

but what do i know?

i'm just another face in a sea of nobodies.

so why should i care anymore?

i can't find a reason why.

oh well

we're gonna see what señorita perfecta is gonna do next.

is she with us?

or is she with them?

we'll see what happens

that's what spectators do after all

we watch.