By My Side

Chapter 23 - Ahsoka

Sometimes, she wants to talk to Anakin about it, because this is...

It's exhausting, and she has no idea how he put up with it.

"How do you deal with him?" she finally demands after a particularly nasty argument with her master about paperwork of all things in the galaxy. She hadn't had time to deal with that since she was too busy with classes, and admittedly, she stopped to have a brief conversation with Barriss because sometimes, she just feels so... isolated and lonely.

"What did he do?" Anakin asks quietly.

"Everything," she grumbles. "He's always yelling at me."

"He's trying to help," Anakin answers.

"I don't see how."

"Truthfully, I don't either. But don't forget he's mortal too, Ahsoka. He's on the Council, and he is stressed all the time. I know it is not easy to remember, but he means well."

Ahsoka really can't say she agrees with that. "It feels like he's just trying to argue with me."

"He does that," Anakin replies, "I don't understand it either."

"But how do you handle it?" she repeats. He's not answering the question. He is cryptic like that sometimes. It's annoying.

"I am not the best role-model in dealing with that, Ahsoka."

"What, you yell at him?" Ahsoka inquires dryly. She would like to herself. Corrections: she does do it herself. She just wants to know if there's a more Jedi-like way to do it.

"If I don't get upset, I ignore him," Anakin answers, "It's the most I can do. Remember what I told you before, after you... after Amorrut? When you fought with that youngling?"

She frowns. "About not having friends or anything?"

"I don't want you to have to do that," he confesses, "I didn't myself either, but it just... happened."

Her curiosity is instantly perked again. It's rare that he starts letting on about his past, and she always wants to know more about where he came from. "How? Why? Why would someone not want to be friends with you?"

He looks away with a humorless smile. "Why would they?" he asks instead. "I was old when I came here. I needed... I had no time, and I was so far behind. They were jealous of me, of my connection to the Force, and... I was as well." He shakes his head, standing up, a clear indication that the conversation is over. "We should proceed to the training salles unless you have class work to attend to."

Ahsoka could swear she's being taught more rigorously than all the other Jedi. Considering she's the padawan of a Sithkiller and the Chosen One, it makes sense, but still.

She decides to file away the note about how her master, apparently, struggled after coming to the Temple for a different day. She doesn't really know how to deal with it. It's so... strange. Anakin is so Light, and Ahsoka can't imagine him being any other way.

***

Anakin is glad to be back on the fronts with Ahsoka, though it's also hard to see her like this. He wants to end the war, and every moment, he can only think of how he should've told the Council about Sidious, should've already taken out the Sith so the war can end, and they can be free.

Ahsoka is different than he remembers, though he's not sure if it's because she's younger. He wanted to try to keep her from being forced to mature too fast, even if he logically knows that's beyond his control because of the war.

She's getting more skilled as fast as he remembers her as, but it's not enough – it will never be enough, because there are so many things out there that she is unprepared for, but he can see the progress, unlike Obi-Wan, who seems to only notice it on occasion. Then again, he's not putting the same effort into her training as Anakin is. He doesn't have time.