Calzona- Fourth Times A Charm

Chapter 16

Callies pov

Tw: sh- let me know if I'm missing anything

Finally, we were out of work and we could have a real conversation. I'm excited to talk about my move back to Seattle and I really hope that Arizona is okay with it if I move in with her. I know that I've been living with her but now that the move is official, I don't know if that changes things. At the same time though, I know we have to talk about her cutting. Knowing Arizona, it's likely not that she wants to die, and the cuts are probably just a coping mechanism that she found to feel when she feels like her emotions are failing her. Despite that though, it's still a dangerous and unhealthy habit, and I want it to end for her. Mostly because I want whatever is causing her enough upset to cut to end.

Unfortunately though, I wouldn't get to hold her hand on my drive home. She finished up her work for the day early and was able to go out to lunch with a new fellow from the pediatrics ward, who picked her up from the hospital and dropped her off home. She said her name was Dr. Sloan, which was kind of ironic because Mark always wanted us together and happy, even when I didn't... and now we are back together, but Sloan isn't the most uncommon name either. Now that I'm allowing myself to feel for Arizona again, I feel so much more free, but in same situation I feel also feel a little ridiculous for feeling so much abundant, fresh, and happy love for someone. I have to consistently remind myself that that's just what a healthy relationship feels like.

On the drive back to Arizona's house, I pondered all of the issues from our previous marriage that we would need to work out, and I worried that we wouldn't be able to. Just as I was starting to get myself worked into a panic attack, and was getting ready to pull onto the side of the road, I remembered one specific moment. My mind drifted to the moment that Arizona asked me for one more chance after coming home from Africa. I had never seen her so vulnerable in my life, she had put so much effort into making me happy and showing me she loves me.

"I came across the world to be with you, I love you" those words have never left my head. They always stayed with me, and they brought me regret and some guilt. In the divorce, I felt them. I wasn't sure if what I was doing was right, but ultimately, I also knew that people get divorced and then get back together commonly enough, and that if we were meant to be, we would find each other again. In the custody battle, however, they were on my mind all of the time. I never imagined that a custody battle where I was so horrible to Arizona in would be able to turn around the way it has now. I truly thought that we were over, and that I had screwed up beyond repair. The moment that Arizona made her scene before leaving to help her teenage patient, was the moment that I knew that the red head who I thought I was in love with was just a distraction, but there was no turning back by then, or so I thought. The way she treated me was one thing, especially because it was in the midst of her struggles of losing her leg and us having difficulty between going from a doctor- patient to wife- wife relationship. The way that I treated Arizona, how I tried to take Sofia cross country without even getting her consent, and all for someone who was basically a stranger, that horrible, and all three of us have been suffering the horrible effects of it for 3 years now.

Finally though, it felt right. If the divorce and custody battle did one thing for us, it gave us time to heal. I don't necessarily think that it was supposed to be right person wrong time, but all of the trauma that we went through in such a short span of time certainly made it that, and through the love we had for each other was so much resentment and hate. We needed to be away from each other for long enough to heal on our own and remember who we were. Now, we have found ourselves, and if I've learned one thing, it's that Arizona loves me and I love her too.

After mindlessly driving for what seemed forever, I pulled into the driveway and took the key out of the ignition of the car before grabbing my things and heading inside. Arizona was cuddled up with her blankets napping on the couch with the TV running. She must've fallen asleep while watching something. I picked up the remote, and lowered the volume on the tv significantly before climbing onto the couch and snuggling up with Arizona. She woke up a little and looked at me, but only enough to steal a quick kiss, move into a different position so that we could snuggle easier, and in one language or another, ask for another hour of sleep. I was with her, I needed sleep too. I knew that sleeping for another hour wouldn't really affect our conversation because even after an hour, we should still have the time, so quickly after I laid down with her and started feeling comfortable I began to feel myself drift off.