It will be difficult

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A week ago, they had shoved you into a cold cell with a disgusting toilet in it and you wondered how long it would take until you were free again. You had tried to travel, but it didn't work. Tries to get to know about what they were going to do with you were kept secret and all you got was threatened if you didn't shut up. Food and water were a luxury and your dry throat was killing you. The absence of food made you feel weak and dizzy.
You heard something and hoped it was finally food or water, but the time felt wrong. Not that you knew how late it was, but your inner clock told you that you wouldn't get anything for the next couple of hours.
The door opened and a few men stepped in, grabbed your arms and pulled you outside. Trying to get away was useless, you wouldn't even have the energy to flee if it was only one holding you.
They pushed you into another room and fixated you on a gurney. The men left while another in a doctor's coat entered with a big smile, his gaze on you.
"What will you do to me...?", you asked weak but angry.
"Don't worry about it. You'll feel better soon."
If he would have given you water or food he might have been right, but you knew torture was their way of communication therefore his words were directed to the effect when you recovered and not what would come now.
He put weird things on your body and you were covered in cables and patches.
"Take this, we don't want you to break your teeth, right?", he asked and put a mouthguard into your mouth.
Would you survive this? What about the next time? Bucky had to hurry up or else you would die, you knew that. Taking a deep breath you tried to mentally say goodbye to the world.
Bucky might have survived but they had used the super soldier serum and he was trained.
You were just a young woman with a traumatic past trying to survive everyday life and even that was difficult most of the time.
The doctor injected something into your vein and it felt like your blood was on fire. Instead of crying or screaming in pain, you lay there clenching your fists and jaw. Even though it felt really bad and disgusting it wasn't an unfamiliar level of pain, chronic pain and bad periods can really toughen you up.
After a while, your body got too weak and you just lay there with closed eyes trying to breathe the pain away. That was until a machine started, adding more pain and making you unconscious.

When you opened your eyes you felt cold and unable to move. However, you were happy to be back in your cell and not on the gurney. Eventually, you fell asleep.

Waking up you were strapped on the gurney again and you automatically began to cry.
"Bucky, please...", you sobbed.
"He won't find you", the doctor said, "Let's get you ready."
And again he covered you in patches and cables and injected a serum but this time the machine started right away. You cried in pain and frustration until you passed out a while later.

This happened a few more times until they put you in another room. You were barely awake, most of the time you were unconscious or asleep.
Being on the gurney again, the doctor began to ask questions: "Are you awake, y/n?"
"Yes...", you answered quietly.
"Do you know where you are?"
"Hydra..."
"What do you think about Hydra?"
You sighed and told him to fuck off but he slapped you in the face in response.
"What do you think about Hydra?"
"They can suck dick", you said chuckling but he just slapped you again.
He stopped asking and started the machine which gave you electro shocks every few seconds.
Later he asked again but this time he shocked you every time the answer was 'wrong'.
"Is your name y/n y/l/n?", he asked.
"Yes."
Electroshock.
"Is your name y/n y/l/n?"
"Yes."
Another shock.
He asked again and you hesitated before saying yes and got another shock.
"Is your name y/n y/l/n?"
You hesitated again. "N-No."
No shock.
He asked again, you said no and he didn't shock you.
"Are the Avengers your friends?", he asked and you thought about it. Were you? Probably not.
"No", you answered but he shocked you anyways. "I told the truth!", you exclaimed.
"I don't believe you! Don't lie to me!" He shocked you again.
"I'm not lying! They just helped me! We're not friends!", you yelled crying.
"What about James Buchanan Barnes?"
"I... we..."
Shock. "Talk!"
"Yes! We are friends!", you yelled sobbing.
Shock.
"I told the truth!"
"I know", the man said, "but he's not good for you."
"He is!"
Shock.
"James Buchanan Barnes isn't good for you."
You didn't say anything and just kept crying.
Shock.
"James Buchanan Barnes isn't good for you", he repeated.
Since you didn't say anything he shocked you again.
He kept doing that over and over again until you gave in.
"James Buchanan Barnes isn't good for you", he said and waited.
"James... James Buchanan Barnes", you sobbed, "isn't... isn't good for me."
It hurt saying that but you had to. You didn't care about your name or anything else but Bucky was the person who would save you. And you were scared that if you'd forget him or see him as the enemy you would lose everything. Especially hope and the want to leave Hydra. You were scared to be stuck with them just like he was for decades. But... how should you survive this without complying...?

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