This Friend | Yeonbin

14

Soobin P.O.V

It takes about an hour for the nerves to completely settle.

Together, Yeonjun and I have demolished an entire pepperoni pizza and two loaves of garlic bread. We also each had a can of Coke Zero Sugar, which I found out he likes as much as I do.

I’ve lost every single match. He’s way too good at this game.

And I don’t even care.

I feel full, and happy, and like I’ve settled into a comfortable groove with him. Like we’ve been friends for ages and we’re just hanging out.

I’ve wanted something like this for so long. An actual friend.

Right now, we’re selecting our characters. For the first time, I pick Link.

“Oh, nice,” he says. “I love Link. I had the biggest crush on him when I was a kid.”

HOLD UP.

“Um,” I say.

“Er, yeah, I’m not exactly straight. Surprise!”

WOW.

“Oh, um, cool,” I say.

“That’s all you have to say?”

“I mean, yeah. I think it’s cool. But, wait, how exactly do you identify?”

His eyes widen a little. “Um, I’m only into guys, or anyone who presents as male. So I usually go by gay, if I have to label myself. I don’t really like doing that, though. It feels weird.”

I focus on the TV. I’m shaking. I lower my controller so he doesn’t notice.

“That’s awesome,” I say. “It’s not a big thing for me; I literally don’t think of you any different, by the way. But thanks for telling me.”

“No problem,” he says. “I just thought you should know. I’ve been trying to bring it up this whole time, actually.”

“Really? Why?”

“Let’s just say I wanted you to know.”

I don’t know what to say to that. I think he’s flirting with me.

So now I have a hot gay dude sitting next to me. And he’s looking at me like he’s expecting me to tell him about myself.

Or maybe kiss him.

I have so many questions that I can’t ask. Does he know about me? Is this why he wanted me to know? Does he want me to tell him right now? Does he even know I’ve never told anyone?

A part of me wants me to come out to him. To just say forget it and jump in. I think that’s what he wants, and his knowing would be kind of awesome.

I think about doing it  but then swerve away at the last second.

It’s too scary. I’m not ready.

“How was coming out?” I ask. “I’ve heard it’s, like, rough for some people.”

He maintains eye contact. “I won’t lie, it was scary. And it wasn’t great for a while. It was just  weird. I came out at fourteen.”

“Wait, fourteen? That’s so young.”

He leans back against the chair. “Eh, I’ve known pretty much my whole life, so it didn’t feel young to me. Anyway, my mom was fine, but Dad was a bit of a douce about it. I think he maybe thinks when I’m older I’ll straighten out, like this is some sort of trend I’m following.”