The Reckless Ride to Buttlandia

No name, same. Im gonna live forever.

I sob into lorax's fluffy luscious orage fur.

"Shhhh shhhh lorax is here, have no fear!" he pets my head.

After about 374 hours of crying more egg yolks i give lorax the whooole run down on why i was sister sobbing for so long... and now why i am a man-whore.

"Welll, my bestest of buddies.... Lorass, I am about to inform you hairy orange ass of traumas and dramas nobody has known beofre."

"Proceed" lorass rolls his eyes.

"My father left the picture for walter with blonde dreadlocks when i was just a young tot. My mom didn't handle it well so she just watched jeopardy all the time and drank WAY too much gook in a cup and ate so many raisins that she just raisin. My brothers became very ground shaking, take your anus breath away aggressive and beat me with yarn everyday. I fell in love with the most shining of girl-i mean women. Oh she was a woman all right. We were in love for 13 whole years., it was the most savory of love, I'd like to think of it as the greatest love story of all time. She was my bestest bud, everything was exquisite, just perfect. Until one day you see... *sobs* *sniffle*... she said she didn't love me anymore because I didn't pincher wenis! But like I told her, I'm a classy, assy, gassy guy! I wait at LEAST 20 years before participating in that animal-like behavior! After begging her to stay and offering to buy her taco bell everyday, she left me in three heart beats. She twirled around and round as she danced into the arms of another.
Then when I got home... I was drastically farted on by my brothers, Brett and Chett, my mama said it was karma for not pinching norma's wenis." I confessed to lorax.

The man was too stunned to speak.

After about 36  of lorax not speaking
"So what'd you do?" as asked with sister curiosity

"I did what any person in their right mind would do! I ran and ran until i could no longer strider another stride. I laid in the dirt of a country not known to man for a few years. Became a gay hooker, decided it wasn't my cup of tea and then became a hoe. I pinch 19,001 different wenises you know." i smirks at lorax.

"YOU DISGRACEFUL WHORE! Ok what happened next???" lorax scooched closer to me.

"Then i met peppa. She was like none other. She's the first lady i felt feelings for since Norma. She made me believe in love again! And maybe, just maybe a genuine wenis pinch. I was able to get vulnerable with her. I never told her these secrets, i knew she couldn't handle it after her quarl with Wenis, so I built my wenis up to be a prize. Untouched... I saw the rest of my life with peppa, out house, our kids, our pet cockroaches. It was perfect... but too perfect for me. I don't deserve peppa...." I sob more egg yolks.

"Yeah you really don't deserve peppa." Lorax laughs.

"Fly me to the moon" *faintly in the distance.

Lorax and I rapidly jump into our karate pose. "HIIIIIIIGHHHHYAAAAA" lorax shreiks.
"What in the frank sinatra is going on here?!?" i question as i'm still trying to wipe my yolky tears away.

Just then we see a man with skin so dark and hair so long flying up in the sky on a crescent shaped moon made out of cardboard. He looks like a hippie headband, banjo and all. He's swinging his legs and rocking his head side to side on the beat.

"MR. COOKIE!?!" we both scream.. Yeah like its a surprise, we see him every chapter!!

He flies over the hula hoe and that reminds us. We look at each other is sugar cookie goodness.

Peppa POV:

'Wenis! I- I love you more than my rolling pin that i'd use to bake boogers in eucalyptus mint deodorant, stuffed deeply inside kraft mac and cheese!'