Forget Me Not

Chapter Thirty

Work. It was usually a good distraction and it helped that things were going well. Korn felt like his efforts were starting to pay off as more people got on board with his idea to pursue international certification. It was easy to talk to people about it because he knew what it meant at every level. A safer working environment, efficiency and reduced costs, better products at a lower overhead—he could pitch his ideas to anyone at a moment's notice.

With more people buying into his vision, everything was up to speed. There was no reason for the C-suite and the board not to pursue the ISO rating. The formal application came with a list of requirements that were funnelled down to Korn as though he wasn't already aware of all of them. it was his job to make sure the factory met them and could prove consistent outputs.

It started a new cycle of work. At least that would keep things interesting. The changes he'd put in place made it easier and everyone agreed. This wasn't about making life harder; it was about making things better. Korn's job was no longer about making changes on the sly. He was charged with working out the timeline and ensuring they were ready by the expected delivery date.

It should have been so exciting. The culmination of everything he'd been working so hard to accomplish. But no matter how busy he was, Mew was never far from his mind. There were so many questions he didn't have the answer to. He couldn't even understand why they were suddenly relevant. They had been managing alright for a while now, was it a good idea to change things around?

But he needed to know.

What did he want? What were Mew's plans and how did they fit with his? Where was their relationship going? And if it was up to him, where did he want it to go? Did he want a long-term and long-distance relationship? Did he have plans to return to Bangkok? How much of that was because of Mew versus what he'd already planned for his life?

The swirl of questions was enough to give Korn a headache but he couldn't get his mind to calm down. Putting aside the work he was doing on the timeline, he pulled out a paper and made a list. All the questions he'd been thinking about and a few that came to mind as he wrote. 

Some he answered quickly.
The first thought in his head; the most honest. 

But there were times when he had to question himself. Was it true? Was he making things complicated or over-simplifying them? What was in his power to change? What would remain the same if he acted or if he didn't act at all?

It was cold and calculated but it afforded some insights. He couldn't avoid making a decision because it was hard. That's what had put him in the current mess. He couldn't keep fucking with Mew if he wasn't interested in a future with him. 

He couldn't expect the problems that had arisen, including the physical and psychic distance between them, to miraculously solve themselves. If he was willing to take responsibility, he didn't deserve any of it. That was a lesson he'd already learnt more than once; he didn't need another iteration.

"We finally found the venue for the reception. The hotel is giving us a great deal so we decided to book a few rooms there for all the pre-wedding stuff," Yihwa told him during their increasingly frequent updates.

He loved her for making sure he was part of the planning. But it only served to make him feel even more impotent. Once again, he asked if there was anything he could do.

"There isn't even anything for me to do. I just smile and listen while everyone else talks about it."

"Then you go ahead and do exactly what you want anyway?" Korn asked knowingly.

"Hey...I don't plan on doing this ever again. If this is my only wedding, I'm going to make sure it looks as close to what I've imagined as I can."

"That's great. Just don't turn into some Bridezilla. We want to celebrate with you, not turn into your disloyal slaves."