𝗛𝗘𝗥 » 𝗕𝗧𝗦 𝗙𝗙 (𝗢𝗧𝟳)

CHAPTER 11 » HOME

And I honestly don't know what to think anymore, everything just seems to be changing right before my eyes and I don't what to do for it to stop changing.

For it to stop fleeting from my grasp.

I have literally spent the whole of October in the hospital and now that I finally got this good news that my body was responding well to treatment, that it's taking a good curve, I can't feel the happiness I should feel, I can't rejoice when my heart is so sad. I can't jubilate when parts of my soul is missing. I can't celebrate when the loves of my life don't really consider me their number one priority like I used to be for them.

What is causing this change?

Me?

Or something else?

My phone began to ring again and I see his name, I slid up to answer and put the phone to my ear, hoping to hear what I really want to hear.

"Flower," Him calling me that just made me sadder because it's been so long he did, "He said he's busy with practice on his solo performance, that he's sorry." He informs me and I gulped down the saliva that has accumulated in my mouth.

I should not have expected anything different from this. I should stop having high hopes so my heart won't have to be crushed each time I get disappointed by them.

"It's okay, you can tell the driver to come pick me up." I say, trying to sound normal.

"Okay, I'll tell everyone the good news so anyone who is done can come meet you at home as soon as possible."

"Mmmn."

"Talk to you later. Take care."

"Mmmn." I hung up at that.

This isn't how it's supposed to be. This isn't how it should be. This isn't the plan. This isn't the promises. This isn't the dream. This isn't us.

Tears began to roll down my cheeks as I began to sob for what my heart can't comprehend. I can't handle this pain of our relationship falling apart, it's just too much especially when I still strongly believe that this is all me being insecure.

Everything is fine. I keep telling myself, I keep thinking, keep hoping and keep believing. Everything is fine.

"Hey!" Prisha opened the door and walked, a bit out of breath as I can see her panting, "Rushed here quickly, I have ten minutes free." She rasps out. I look up to her and tried to smile.

"Oh my God, you're crying?" She says worriedly and quickly pulled me into a hug. "You should be happy right now, not sad. What's wrong bae?" She asks, patting my back as I sniffle through my sobs.

"Everything Prisha, everything." I answer as she pulled apart and sat on the edge of the bed, her hands quickly grabbing mine and holding on to them.

"Oh no, you're gonna make me cry too." She blinks rapidly, the worry for me written all over her face.

"I'm scared." I started, "I'm scared they don't love me anymore." I tell her what my thoughts have been all these days. Days of wallowing in nothing but sad thoughts.

"Darling..." She calls, one of her hand wiping my tears off. "What did they do?" She questions softly.

"I don't think they care anymore because I'm no longer a priority to them. Can you believe none of them will be here to take me home? They are all busy, too busy to have my time." I tell her, my voice sounding like that of a hurt person. An hurt child.

An hurt woman.

"Really? None of them?" She asked in a surprised tone. I nodded.

"Why don't you talk to them, I don't think it's that easy for all seven not to love or care for you anymore." She voiced, "I'm concerned about all that is going on with them but you know communication is the key of every relationship. Don't bottle it inside, express yourself and see where the problem is." She adviced.