It's a busy day for a crossdressing account executive.

Do I get the anal probe now?

As you know, North America has many long and empty stretches of highway. I was driving across one such lonely landscape very late at night recently, when something a little out of the ordinary happened. I really feel I should share it with you.

It must have been shortly before 2 am when I noticed some strange lights descending from the sky in my rear view mirror. They silently approached at great speed, and then pulled level with my vehicle and held station just beside me. At first I thought it might be the new my good friend Elon mentioned to me over tea last week. He's such a practical joker, you really never know what's coming next. and Elon often get together to prank some poor sap, and I was wondering if perhaps this was what was happening. I was, however, quickly disabused of this notion as the lights rose above my car, and the ground seemed to fall away from beneath me.

Now, I know what you're thinking. "That's not an upgrade they offered on my new Buick!" And I agree with you. GM needs to get in the game!

I found myself sitting in my car, in the interior of what appeared to be a large empty cargo bay. A moment later two (they always travel in pairs) humanoid figures appeared and walked up to the side of my vehicle and tapped on the glass.

I lowered the window and asked, "Can I help you?"

"Yes," the taller of the two replied in perfect English. "May I use your phone?"

"Well, that depends," I replied, doing my best to retain my composure. The rather neat little black dress I was wearing was a little formal for the occasion, I felt. But better to be overdressed in these situations.

The second alien, giggling, held two of his three fingers up to the side of his head and said, "E.T. phone home."

"You're a bit out of date, aren't you?"

The first alien cut in, "Sorry, it's just an alien joke. We do that sometimes."

"Well, I don't think your home planet is included in my calling plan. Perhaps you should try . I think Richard has some connections," I replied sardonically.

Becoming a little more serious, the first of the two aliens continued, "I wonder if you could help us. We're here on a fact finding mission. We're trying to learn all we can about the very best of humanity, and the very worst."

"How very laudable," I commented.

The second alien picked up my sarcasm, and turned to his friend and said, "Can I get the anal probe now?"

His friend continued, "We've seen the best already. We've been to the Nobel Institute, the United Nations, The U.S. Congress, and something called "The World Cup Of Soccer". Now we have to find the other side of the story, the worst the earth has to offer."

"You mean you're looking for the most craven, hypocritical, spineless and morally bankrupt people of the planet?"

The two aliens looked at one another excitedly. "Yes, that's exactly right," said the taller of the two.

I replied calmly, "But I thought you said you'd already been to the US Congress..."

The second alien looked steadily at me and said without humor, "Can I get the anal probe now?"

Honestly, whatever your exobiology we all get to learn about patience eventually. 

:)

Fiona