𝐎𝐩𝐞𝐧 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭

Mr Wrong

Things aren't going to be ok for a while and you'll feel that all things surrounding love have gotten old, and like old bread, your heart has been sitting so long it's grown mold.

But it won't stay that way.

You'll smile again, but this time even bigger. You'll feel again with a better understanding of who you are, you were never bitter just tart from targeted insults and giving a love that you expected to be reciprocated in results, but being left with nothing except stinging sensations darted at your heart.

You'll find a love that's encouraging and patient, someone who will praise how much you want a connection with God and someone who will smile when they look into the brown of your eyes, and, admire the naturalness of your hair. Somebody who'll show extreme amounts of affection no matter who's there and always reminding you of how much they truly care.

Have I found that person? No.

But as far as the emotions of feeling as if love could be thrown off a bridge and Id just stand there watching it fall to its end without even an inch of me moving to save it, not even an inch of me wanting to try again.. that's nothing but real and parts of me still feel this way.

You can lay love down to rest today.. and I think I'd genuinely be okay.

Feeling a bit lighter, no longer having to carry the weight of a heavy heart, I can embark on my journey of fresh starts and open arch's.

Still.. with all this information and knowledge of my wrong doings.. this man takes up a great bit of space in my mind. The enemy preying on me in my moments of relaxing, flooding me with memories and smiles for miles, making me feel as if I'm on cloud nine. I start to miss these events, thinking maybe I should reach out just to check in, but God quickly steps in, straightening my posture and redirecting my attention to something that'll lead me toward my blessing.

I was too attached to this other human being. Thinking about him day in and day out was hindering me doing the things that I needed and he knew it.

Took my heart and ran with it, rode with it, boarded a plane and flew with it. Leaving me with nothing to live with, lying there in a pool of my own tears.

That heart is gone. God made me a new, and clean one the moment I stoped into his arms.

Cleansing me of my old self and making me into the woman I was always supposed to be, I'll yell out in victory once I regain my confidence from the mangling he'd done to my dignity, but, we're still one step closer to a better me.

He is no longer my everything... he should have never been. That's God place and though I didn't know much about my faith back then, I try my best to not allow it to happen again. To stay connected with God is my biggest task, because whenever I stray away I always go running back, asking for help and making promises to strengthen my faith in all those places I lack.

The world never fails to show me why I left it's hold long ago.

The world has never cared about me nor my crying soul, especially not Mr Wrong.

Even though I see past this mask you've put up, and I know you're nothing but a man on the come up.. I can't keep downing myself in assistance to the building of your heart, while you simply tear mines apart.

Apart as in separate.. that's what's best because I swear I cannot take another connect, another lie through text and an excuse with a small peck on the lips, the gentle pull of my hips.. you're really starting to give me an ick.

Where else has those lips of yours been and who else have you been rubbing on with your hands.. get back please. I'm not a jealous woman but one thing I don't play about is my personal hygiene.

Stop talking to me.

I'm tired of hearing what you have to say. One moment you're extremely expressive and the next day you couldn't care less about me.

I know you have a darkened history and I wished for you to heal with me but you broke me more than I was before.

Threw me out like a piece of trash, literal litter. Maybe I am bitter...

Maybe if I spoke a little bigger than you would have seen more clearer of who I am. Don't you know me? Or have your acts of belittling made you and I forget my status of being a black queen..

It's best if you just stay away from me.

I hate the control you have over me emotionally.

Because even though you've done wrong.. you still feel like home.

It's not easy.. but I'm really trying to let go of my Mr Wrong..

- Donna