Zap! (M. Clifford/5SOS)

Chapter 19: Never Be

Michael's P.O.V.

The next day, I don't even bother waiting for Monica before or even after training, making us both walk alone. I make sure I leave a few minutes earlier so I don't end up walking out of my house the same time she does and once I'm released from training, I literally book it back home, my earbuds in and my iPod blasting so she doesn't stop me and have another discussion like that again.

It's only been a few days since they started dating and even though I haven't had much alone time with her, it feels different when I'm around her now and I'm not enjoying it. It's like every time I look at her, I'm torn between continuing to stare and admire or look away because she chose someone else over me. I really want to hang out with her, but at the same time I don't. I want to run away, but I can't live without her.

So, to try and get my mind off of her for a while, I invite Calum and Luke over to work on some band stuff. There's no point in asking Ashton when he still can't play and I'm silently thankful for that because I wouldn't be able to take it. As I've expressed before, I don't hate him. I just don't like the fact that he beat me to her and the fact that Monica picked him, like what does he have that I don't? Is he hotter? Smarter? Is it because he's older by about one year rather than six days? Why am I not good enough?

"Michael!"

Calum's voice snaps me out of my thoughts and I shake my head to clear them, gazing up at him.

"I was asking which song you'd like to start with," he repeats, strumming randomly on his guitar.

"Um, I don't know. Do either of you have anything new?" I question. They exchange glances and sigh.

"We already went over this," Luke says. "We don't. We were just going to go over some old stuff and get it back in our brains."

"Are you okay?" Calum asks.

"Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, I just..."

"Her?" Calum answers. I'm not surprised he guessed it but I'm ashamed at myself because I'm supposed to be focusing on music. Nodding, I pick up my guitar and begin tuning it.

"Should we start with 'Eighteen' and go into 'Superhero'?" Luke suggests. Calum and I agree and set up our makeshift stage, us on the outside and Luke on the inside. Luke announces the song into the microphone for a pretend audience and begins playing the song on his electric guitar. I'm so jealous of him because I want to shred it up on an electric, but sadly I don't have one so Luke's taking over everything. I try to follow up on acoustic but it doesn't really work. Calum's having a little trouble without an electric bass too and after the first verse and chorus, I stop the song because it does not sound good at all.

"Should I switch to acoustic?" Luke asks.

"The thing is is that we wouldn't perform this on acoustic, so it would be a waste trying to figure it out like this," Calum points out.

"So then what do we do? I have no idea when I'm getting an electric and  if I even get one," I say.

"Me, too," Calum replies.

"Okay, so then let's practice the songs we know and will perform on acoustic," Luke settles. "But you guys are planning on getting electrics, right?"

"Yeah, I definitely want one. I just don't know how it's going to happen," I respond and Calum nods.

Luke sighs. "Alright, well, one of the only songs we're planning on just acoustic would be the cover of 'I Miss You' and to be quite honest, it was a little rough at the gig, so I think we should rehearse that one." Both guys look directly at me and it takes me a moment to understand what they're hinting at.