Humankind {Marina One-Shot}

Humankind

“Better” Diane's words rang through her head. Don't shut it out, let the help in. “I'm as good as I can be” She offered the words to Andy, hoping it was enough to keep her mind off the fact that the former fire captain was incredibly nervous about walking into the station on her first clinic day back. She wasn't prepared to potentially see her wife that she hadn't seen in over three weeks.

She had spent two weeks on recovery leave and then a week back at the station regaining her bearings. But now it was that day of the week, the one she had dreaded but equally longed for. The clinic day. Carina works at the clinic, and all Maya could fathom right now was the sound of Carina's voice echoing through the barn, the ping in her Italian accent as it jumps up an octave at someone for being incompetent or coming off as rude or disruptive. 

“You know, she might not even be here yet” Andy stated, voicing her words when she noticed the blonde anxiously thumping her wedding ring. Maya turned her head, as if to ask Andy why she wouldn't be here at this time. “She doesn't come before her shift anymore, she used to come with you when your shift started but…” The hard reality of clinic days is that, both Maya and Carina would drive together. Sharing subtle looks and the frequent hand holding over the car console. A twang spiked through Maya's heart at the thought. It sucked driving alone this one morning, she couldn’t imagine what Carina was feeling having to drive to the station's clinic for three weeks, alone.

But then again, Maya had no idea what was going through Carina's head, for all Maya knew, Carina could be living large, no longer having to hold onto an active fuse that could blow at any time. Although she did already blow, her fuse ignited and she found herself in a situation that she most feared. 

I'm scared I will snap at her like him and she's going to stop loving me…

She snapped, she found herself in a place that she had feared most in herself, something she had been shoving down for years. Did Carina no longer love her? Did she really screw everything up by snapping like him? Turning into an evil, viscous individual that had no intentions of acknowledging other people's feelings. 

“What do you want here Maya?” Even though Andy had already been standing by the blondes side for five minutes now, watching as she internally fought the battle of thoughts in her head, she never moved. She stood by Maya's side, close enough for her to know she wasn’t alone, but far enough for Maya to have the space she needed to grow courage to walk into the building she had longingly been staring at for fifteen minutes. “Just, talk to her”

“The things I said, Andy” Maya shook her head, her lips pressed as she gazed down to her shoes. Maybe she should just walk away, deny Diane's advice at trying to talk to Carina and instead just drive home and wallow in an endless void. The thought seemed acceptable, she didn’t even know if Carina would want to see her and truthfully, Maya wasn’t prepared for the gut wrenching pain it would cause if she didn’t. 

“Okay, but standing out here is not going to change anything. It's not going to take those words back” Andy pressed. “Standing out here and prolonging this, is letting those words linger more in Carina’s head and yours… you need to talk to her” And with a final pull, Andy tapped against Mayas shoulder, urging the blonde to move her feet, maybe not so much in a comfortable direction, but it definitely moved her, she removed her from freezing to the ground, letting the bolts that held her the still, start to rust.  

Entering through the lobby doors should be an easy task, and it was… Maya had returned to doing so for a week now, but something felt uneasy, there was a draft in the air that Maya hadn’t grown accustomed to. Maybe it was the wind that flowed through the open barn doors, or it was the high AC, either way, Maya's face upturned and she could almost feel the blood draining from her cheeks.