Dangerously Sweet (MxM)

Chapter 10

Meanwhile, Kalen sat next to me, shifting slightly every couple of seconds. I could see him fiddling with his hands in the corner of my vision. 

"You should learn by now, I'm harmless," I teased. When I turned to hand his glass over, he took it eagerly, eying my hands instead of my face. "At least with you, I'm harmless. You're free to say and do and think whatever you feel," I encouraged.

We both took a sip of our drinks, Kalen tipping his back further than I expected. I couldn't help but laugh endearingly at the sight.

His blush returned before he stuttered, "I was just, well I was thinking. I-I think I would like to know more about, um, about your life."

A stronger laugh, one I couldn't hold back, escaped me, "Naturally." Without giving in, I urged him to continue on his own.

"Well, um, for instance...what's a normal day look like for, uh, for someone in your line of work?"

Shaking my head, and smiling wide, I looked to the night sky, watching the stars glow above us. Kalen, in all his innocence, made me see the world differently. I was scared that now with me in the picture, he would see the world differently too, but not in a good way. There were parts of my life, parts of my past, I wasn't ready for him to know or see. Maybe I never would be ready. 

"Honestly, kind of boring," I stated simply.

He was giggling, "That's not much for me to go on!"

I hummed in response, swirling the liquid in the glass before taking another drink. "This life, it's complicated. There are normal days. There are exciting days. There are bad days. Some days I have hope and some days I don't. Most days...most days are boring."

The younger man sitting next to me crisscrossed his legs, making him look smaller, more innocent. In that moment, and probably every moment after, I wanted nothing more than to protect him for the world. From my world.

"Most days I sit behind my desk, staring at a computer screen. You know, honestly, it's not much different than being a CEO of any other major business. I won't go into much detail, but I will say it's not as glamorized as it is in the movies or romanticized like in books. I sit behind my desk and I strategize about how to grow, how to become legit, how to bring my people home safely, and how to be better."

"Why do you do it then?" Kalen's voice cut through my rambling, pulling me back down to Earth, away from the stars.

"What?"

"Why do you do it? It doesn't sound necessarily...fun? Like- I don't know how to explain it, but...it doesn't seem like what you'd want to be doing, I guess." 

I could hear the nerves in Kalen's voice as he spoke. I assumed he immediately regretted speaking his mind, as his teeth were once again wrecking his bottom lip. 

"I was never asked," I spoke truthfully, eyes scanning the night sky for the familiar stars.

My chest felt heavy, and my hand shook as it held the glass. I set it down, leaning back against both hands to hide the tremble. These thoughts and feelings were always kept to myself. They weren't things I'd ever said out loud before. They weren't meant to be said out loud. I felt as if I were betraying my father just thinking about them and now they were out into the world, but at the same time, I couldn't keep my lips from spilling anymore.

"I wasn't given a choice if I'm being honest. I was taught, from a young age, what was expected of me. As the oldest child, it was my job to perform, to excel, and to take over the family business. It was non-negotiable. I was born into a life where everything was already planned for me. I was born into this role..." I explained solemnly.