Journey of Nithya Kumar (On hold)

Travel 9 : Mixed emotions

Nithya's Pov :
"It's okay, take a deep breath. Everything will be alright"

This feels like a dream.

I have always imagined how it will feel like to talk with Gautham one day. But sitting in a closed space along with him and making fun with each other is not what i expected to happen once we started talking with each other. It feels so.... unbelievable, i have been waiting for this moment for a whole year and it happened today. I am not at all going to complain to my mom about her decision anymore.

I was getting carried away by my thoughts when i heard Akshaya mam calling me.

"Nithya, can you stand up and tell us about your first day experience in this institution?" She questioned with a smile.

I suddenly felt nervous because i am not a good companion with attention. Now i have to stand infront of the whole class and talk about my experience?

I stood up from my bench with uncertainty and then craned my neck to see the whole classroom looking at me.

Including Mr.Perfect smile.

I took a deep breath before going to stand beside Akshaya mam. She gave me a encouraging pat on my shoulder and told me to start speaking.

My eyes scanned the whole classroom before focusing on the wall. It's far better then getting anxious because of feeling every students judgemental stare.

Maybe they don't even judge but i guess that's how human psychology works, i am well aware that they are not judging me right now but the fear of being judged is what getting me anxious.

Social anxiety disorder.

Maybe more than half billion people in this world suffers from this psychological disorder.

The intense and persistent feeling of being judged or watched by people. Well i am not telling that i am diagnosed by it or something but everyone will have a glimpse of this disorder among themselves. Every single people in this world is scared of what others would think about them if they do something that disdains the rules that was created by this society.

I looked back at my teacher, she had a concerned look on her face because i am looking so pale all of a sudden, my hands are sweating profusely, looking at her concerned face is only making me more nervous because i can feel my breath quickening.

I have never stood infront of a whole classroom, my teachers always forced me to volunteer in many things but i could never do it without getting anxious. I always create some excuse for not being the center of attention, after avoiding it every single time i wanted to slap myself for even being like this but what can I do? i can't change the fact that i am so weak and pathetic.

Suddenly i could feel my eyes getting moisture, Akshaya mam is saying something but i couldn't able concentrate on it because my mind is not focusing on her right now.

'Take deep breaths nithya' i said to myself.

One, two, three

Inhale through your nose

One, two, three

Now exhale through your mouth

It's okay Nithya, it's going to be okay.

I felt someone standing beside me to hold my arm but my full focus is on getting my breathing even that i didn't even notice them making me sit down.

"Heyy! Come on, now look at me" i heard someone but i don't know what to do, i feel so restless because everyone's gaze is directed towards me now.