What The Heart Needs - The Heart #3 (Complete)

Chapter 18 - Part 2

He was quiet.

"I don't even know if that was the right decision anymore." I let out a shaky breath. It felt like airing that secret had started to unravel everything.

"I've been going out with her, making sure she doesn't do something stupid or having someone take advantage of it. I was behind on my course work and add boy drama to the mix. I feel like I'm drowning Aiden."

I looked to him but he was staring straight ahead. "I was trying my best to be everything everyone needed me to be and I still failed."

I bit my lip to stop myself from blurting out anymore.

"I had no idea you were under this amount of pressure." He spoke and this time our eyes met.

I shrugged. "No one did."

The silence stretched on.

He had at least allowed me to have my say like I had requested in my voicemail. It was time to end the conversation.

"Thanks for ride." I made the move to open the car door but he stopped me.

"I let you have your say. Let me at least have mine."

I nodded and closed the door, moving to face him.

"I'm sorry I made things worse for you. I wanted to spend time with you but between school and Lacey I barely saw you at all. Maybe that was selfish of me but if you had told me about Lacey, it would have helped me understand your need to watch her so closely."

"I know. I was trying my best."

"If you'd been honest with me, maybe things would have gone down differently."

"And maybe if you hadn't been insecure about Max it wouldn't have escalated into a fight."

"I'm not proud of my behavior," he admitted in a murmur. "Even if Max said what he said to get a reaction I shouldn't have acted in that way."

"If I had been brave enough to see how I really felt about you and not allowed the guilt of cheating on Max to overshadow it maybe you wouldn't have felt as insecure."

We could spend all day looking back at all the mistakes we made. But it was a wasted exercise because we couldn't change anything in the past. Was any of this helping with our future?

My heart felt like it was squeezed tight every time I looked at him. I still loved him. I swallowed slowly.

"I don't know it's been so difficult for us when we both wanted this," I said. "It should have been easy."

He shook his head. "The way I feel about you scares me."

I stared at him. "Why?" I whispered.

"I've never felt like this before."

"Same," I said softly.

It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him I loved him but I held back.

"I can't stop thinking about you."

It was difficult to determine if it was unwanted thoughts or not.

"I know the feeling." I stole another look in his direction. He was studying me.

"So if we both feel that way why are we having so many issues that we are sitting in a car talking about how much we care about each other?"

The question hung between us.

I shrugged. "Life is never simple."

Jealousy and some interference, bad timing, fear of heartbreak we're all factors in why we weren't together and we were trying to talk things through.

I could have left then, without telling him that he owned my heart. But one thing I had learned from Lacey's ordeal and the fright I had received when my father had called to tell me my mother was in hospital. Life was short. And there were never any guarantees.

I could walk away without revealing how much I loved him and it would protect me in some way like I had tried to protect myself in the beginning when all this started. But sometimes you had to take a risk even when the odds weren't good and even when there didn't seem to be a way to fix things.

I kept thinking that if I had been as honest with him in the beginning like I wanted to be now than I could have saved ourselves a lot of angst, pain and time. And who knew, maybe we none of the things that had torn us apart would have happened.

"I love you."

I was shocked. The words were still on the top of my tongue. I still hadn't uttered them.

With big eyes I stared at Aiden, my mouth slightly open.

"You love me?" I asked, not quite sure I had heard him right.

"Yes." There was a confidence in that word that lifted my heart.

"So what were you planning to do when you came to visit me today?" I asked, still holding his gaze as the warmth of his words expanded in my chest.