Signed and Sealed Forever

Chapter 1

I was scared and deeply frightened inside. I couldn't utter anything. I was nervous as I was dressed as a bride. The salon lady was doing my makeover. I was feeling okay to see myself as a bride. Finally, I was all ready to go to the wedding hall. I was dressed in a beautiful red lehenga. The jewelry and makeup had totally changed my face. I was looking pretty. My best friend, Samia, and my sister brought me to the hall. I was made to sit on the stage with the beautiful sofa and decor. I was nervous. I gave a fake smile as I looked at the ladies looking at me. My friends and the photographer had come to take my photos. After the shoot and dinner, it was the time. The person, whom I did the Nikkah, the person whom now I had to spend my entire life with, my husband- Asim, had arrived. I could see Asim from distance and I felt a strange feeling. I could feel my heart racing. I had heart palpitations. I was nervous and scared at the same time. As he approached near me, my heart began to beat faster. I tried to smile and lowered my gaze. I was scared and shy. He sat on my right and glanced at me. I felt shy and awkward. After this, I continued to keep smiling and occasionally lowered my gaze, and tried to look at the guests. My friends and family came to me and I felt better. He tried to talk to me but couldn't because of the guests. I felt really strange and nervous. I slowly began to become sad as I thought of marriage and my life ahead. Finally, after having some family pictures, it was time for my departure- my Rukshati. I cried with my family and after a lot of emotional moments, my family finally told to me sit in the car. I helplessly sat in the car back and got really emotional and insecure. I started missing my life before my wedding. Asim sat next to me and I felt really nervous and scared. I cried and tears didn't stop coming out of my eyes. I took a breath and closed my eyes while closing my fist tightly. I was scared. The journey of my married life had begun. It was the beginning of our newly married life.

I nervously tried to smile and Asim gave a smiling look to make me feel comfortable. I was getting nervous. I looked the other way and tried to see from the window to ignore myself from worrying. I was in deep thoughts. I was thinking what would happen next? 'Marriage is such a big responsibility. You need to take care of everything and everyone and most of all, you need to take care and listen to your husband.' I wondered what kind of husband would he be and started praying to God. I wanted to ask for his help and seek guidance in every way. I was unsure if he was a good person. I felt really scared and wanted to cry. I slowly cried and soon my new home was near.

As soon as the car reached the big white bungalow, my mother-in-law, Sara welcomed us. Asim came out of the car and opened the door where I was sitting. He smiled and as I was about to come out myself, he leaned a hand towards me. I was shocked and didn't want him to touch me. Unwontedly, I gave him my hand and together, in hand, we walked to the entrance of the home. The sisters-in-law and Asim's younger cousins took me from there to his, maybe our room. As I entered the room, I was shocked. It was beautifully decorated with roses and scented candles. I could see the flowery room and I gulped as I became nervous thinking that oh I will need to celebrate my wedding night? Oh no! I don't want this until I really know him! I was feeling scared, but they left me in his room on the bed. I was getting really nervous and scared. My heart began pounding again. I thought what should I really do? How will I be able to spend my whole life with him? I'm already unable to speak to boys or men. How will I even able to start a conversation? I felt emotional as I missed my sister and mother. I recalled my mother's words and advice on how to fulfill the marriage. Compromises, sacrifices, patience, and tolerance is all about marriage. Listening to everyone and to your husband. I decided something. I will not think of him as if I know him. I will consider him a stranger and thus, I will not be able to expose my emotional side. I will sacrifice my wants and will only try to please him. I will not let him take advantage of me. I will think, if I did something wrong, I'll be kicked out of the home, my biggest fear of marriage. I prayed and soon I heard a knock on the door.

I immediately groomed myself again and became very shy. I tightly held my hands and was really nervous too. I stayed quiet as he entered the bedroom. He had a fixed gaze at me and locked the door of the bedroom. I could hear my heart race very fast. He came to me and greeted me as sat on the corner of the bed. I wanted to greet him back, but I got scared. I wanted to throw a first good impression of myself on him. So, I got the nerve and replied to him back but shyly and not looked at him. Then there was a little silence. He was also feeling nervous. But, he finally started the conversation.

"Look, Umm... I just wanted to...want to say...that I guess it doesn't matter now that how or what we feel about each other, but we are...married now."

He paused, "I know that you... are feeling strange and so I am. And, I want to start off this relationship by knowing each other. I hope that's okay with you."

I nodded and as I was hearing this, I didn't know what to say or expect. I didn't want to open up. I felt scared to trust him. I felt that he wasn't happy with our marriage. I remained quiet. He then remembered something.

"Oh, I have something for you."

He took out a beautiful gold ring with silver and pink stones. It was so attractive. He laid his hand out and I sighed. I gave my hand in his courageously and while putting the ring in my hand, he prayed,

"Till death do us part." and smiled.

I smiled and said, "Thank you."

After this, I was really tired and we both decided to just sleep as we knew we had to wake up early the next morning. I took a pillow and went to lie on the sofa. He told me that we could lie on the bed and make a boundary with pillows between. I was nervous again, but I slowly lay on the corner of the bed and faced the window and my back towards him. And soon thinking about the life ahead, I fell asleep.

Suddenly I heard the vibration of something and I woke up. It was my mobile's alarm ringing. It was 4:45 am. I wanted to sleep for a little longer. But, suddenly I thought that oh, I need to give him a nice impression. I struggled to wake up and finally got up, went to the bathroom, and did my wudu to offer the fajr prayers. After the wudu, I tried to look around the room. I noticed that Asim was still asleep. I wanted to wake him up, but I thought that no, let him sleep as I am unable to say anything to him. I proceeded to offer my prayers.

While Rohma was praying, Asim also woke up by his alarm, and as he noticed someone in the corner of the dark he got scared. He slowly got up and went near the place Rohma was praying. He noticed Rohma and after a few seconds realized, ohhh I got married last night! He smiled to realize that she had woken up for fajr. He knew that moment, that she was a good lady and will be an amazing wife.

As soon as I realized Asim standing next to me staring at me, I felt scared. But then after finishing my prayers, and folding the prayer rug, I said, "Assalam o alikum" and smiled as my eyes moved away in shyness. He replied back and smiled. And he said,

"If you had woken up, why didn't you wake me up too?" he inquired smilingly.

I felt guilty and felt extremely bad. "Um..." I paused and while I was thinking to give him a valid reason, he said before me,
"Aah! I was kidding! I know, I know we need time.."

And I looked at him and smiled. Then he said that he would just go and offer the prayers and while I could sleep if I wanted to. I thought about what I should really do. I thought about putting my clothes in the cupboard. But, the next minute, I thought, wait! It's not yours yet. Keep your things with you. And on this thought, I decided to take out the dress I had to wear in the morning after the shower. I packed and unpacked the clothes and put them on the sofa. Meanwhile, Asim came out from the bathroom after the wudu and glanced at me while I was setting my bags in the corner.

"What are you doing?" he curiously asked me.

I got scared and turned back to realize it was Asim. I sighed and took a breath. I got nervous and in my shaking voice, I replied.

"Umm...actually... I was taking out clothes for the morning.."

"Oh okay," He replied while cuffing the button of his shirt.

And soon after, I hurriedly went away from him and started ironing the clothes. I was still in thoughts about Asim. Every moment it stuck in my mind that what would happen next? How will I be able to even talk to him? And soon after ironing my clothes, I went back to sleep for 3 hours for I had to wake up again at 8:00 in the morning.