𝐄𝐑𝐔𝐃𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍

09 | Consoling Erudition

Straight to the point, as usual.

"The other day," I began hesitantly, feeling the weight of the words as they left my lips. Dr. Linneker's nodded for me to continue. "I experienced another episode," I elaborated, my voice cracking slightly with the memory of the overwhelming panic and fear that had consumed me.

"Really? It's been quite some time since you last experienced one." Her brows furrowed in concern while she leaned in slightly. "Could you share with me what occurred leading up to the attack?"

"I'm not entirely certain," I said, trying to conjure up the memory of that day at the bookstore. "I recall running into someone, and I believe she made some snide remark. However, I couldn't hear her properly."

She emitted a low hum and paused for a minute.

"Close your eyes," she instructed, and I complied, letting my eyelids flutter shut. "Take a deep breath," she prompted, and I inhaled deeply, filling my lungs with air. "Now, try to picture everything, and just let it flow out of you," she said softly, encouraging me to release my thoughts and feelings.

"Okay," I let out a gentle sigh before recounting the incident. "I was visiting a bookstore, filled with the smell of fresh coffee and adorned with these adorable cats just lounging about. After finishing my lunch, I got up and collided with a woman wearing a scowl. Despite my profuse apologies, I fumbled with the book I dropped and that's when the attack began. Her voice was all muffled and I couldn't make out her words properly, but I got the gist of it. My hands were shaking and my head felt light and dizzy."

"So you think this attack was triggered by the encounter with this woman?" Dr. Linneker asked, making a note on her notepad.

"I think so," I nodded. My shoulders were less tight and felt like a heavy load had been removed from them. "I called you because I just couldn't believe I'd had one after all of this time."

"It's completely normal to have setbacks, Zahra. The important thing is that you keep trying," Dr. Linneker smiled, reassuringly. "As per your narration, I do not think that the recent interaction triggered your attack. You have always been averse to confrontations and usually maintain your composure in such situations. While some may attribute this to social anxiety, I don't believe that's the root cause here. I suspect that this attack is a sign that your body has not fully healed from the accident, and your stress levels are exacerbating the situation."

"I understand," I replied, letting her words settle in my mind. "What can I do about it?"

"Firstly," she flicked the glasses sitting on top of her red hair to cover her eyes. "We have already talked about your strict study and how you thrive academically. I know you use this as a coping mechanism—which is fine—but I want to make sure you have other methods. Have you done anything else that I suggested in one of our last sessions?"

"Yes, I have been trying to incorporate some of the techniques you suggested into my routine, like deep breathing exercises." I explained to Dr. Linneker. "Though I haven't been as consistent with them lately, since I thought I was better."

Dr. Linneker offered a nod of approval. "That's a great start. I would also suggest exploring mindfulness and meditation practices. And regarding any academic stress you may be facing, it's crucial to find a healthy balance between studying and self-care activities like exercise, and spending time with friends and family."

"I'll keep that in mind," I replied.

"I want you to commit to this, Zahra," she said with a warm smile. "Recovery is a process, and there's no shortcut, but I have faith in your determination to overcome this. Remember, no matter how overwhelming it may seem, don't lose hope. We'll work through this together and get you back on track."