When Your Feathers Flutter Down to Me

Chapter Two: The Princess And The Outskirts

While she contemplated her upcoming problem, the two guards began talking again. "Y'know, it's too bad the princess here is so hot," the first guard said.

"...what?" the other guard said, confused by such an odd statement.

"I'm just sayin'," the first guard said. "Here's this woman, super sexy and stuff, but then she's got a personality that's so rotten you'd rather screw a random prostitute than her."

"...what?" the other guard repeated.

"Look, all I'm sayin' is that if I wasn't happily married, and I had the chance to do it with the princess, I'd still pass. There's no way she could get me going when I know what's inside of her," the first guard said, seemingly pleased with his assessment.

"Okay?" the other guard said.

"What, you wouldn't take a swing at her?" the first guard said with a smirk. "Actually, come to think of it, you're single ain't'cha? If you want, I could step out for a moment and let you try her out."

"No thanks," the other guard replied swiftly.

"You really aren't even gonna consider it? Who knows, you might be missin' out," the first guard said.

"She's not my type," the other guard said.

"Oh yeah? So you got someone in mind?" the first guard asked.

"Well..." the other guard said reluctantly. "There's this one lady on the main street who works a crafts booth. She's really cute, but I just can't work up the nerve to ask her out."

"Ah, I get that. Yeah, I had a hell of a time trying to ask my wife on a date the first time I tried. But lemme tell ya. If you stick with it, eventually you'll get that date you want," the first guard said, doing his best to cheer on his friend.

"You really think so?"

"Absolutely!"

On the floor of the carriage, Elisia was subject to the entire conversation, and it was only at the end that she could no longer contain her annoyance. At the first guard's advice, she had let out a snort loud enough to be heard, which brought the focus back on her. "Oh?" the first guard said. "Does the princess have something to contribute?" Realizing her potential mistake, Elisia just closed her eyes in response, but apparently that wasn't good enough.

"Yeah, I didn't think so," the first guard said roughly. "Not like you'd know anything about love. Even if ya did have a crush on someone, there's no way they'd love a girl as rotten to the core as you."

For as much as she hated to admit it, Elisia knew the guard was right. The thing she had loved most was money and power, and behind that, her family. Romance? There was no room for that. Any prince or noble that tried to court her was sent away in shambles, eventually earning her a nickname among her failed suitors as "the cruel princess."

The first guard scoffed at Elisia's lack of reaction to his jab, then bent down to remove her gag. "Go on princess. Speak your mind," he said tauntingly.

"Very well," Elisia said proudly. "I think this whole conversation is utterly ridiculous. You truly think fools such as yourselves even deserve wives? Although, I suppose one of you did say he was married. I wonder what woman was dumb enough to agree to such a union?"

"Why you-" the first guard spouted, but the princess continued.

"And as for your compatriot, well... he isn't much to look at is he? You mentioned something about a crafts booth, yes? I think I know the one. That woman's wears were so paltry I nearly had her shut down for selling such garbage. Honestly, it would've been better for her dignity if I had!"