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chapter thirteen

INSIDE HIS MIND

   RAVEN LAID ON the couch in living room of her apartment. It had been a week since Nat and Steve had come to Cuba, and being the gracious host she was, she let the two decide who wanted to use the bed. Nat was obviously the winner due to Steve's chivalrous ways. So, he and Raven occupied the couches in the living room while the redhead snored away in the bedroom.

Nix was grateful that her illusion friends decided to not make an appearance yet, but she felt that it was going to happen sooner rather than later and she would have to explain herself. But a part of her felt that maybe it would be good if someone knew what was going on with her; it could help the woman feel less crazy.

   She could feel her abilities scratching at her skin, wanting to be let out; a sign that her powers could manifest themselves at nearly any moment without her realizing until it was too late.

She rolled onto her side and her eyes landed on Steve. She took notice that he now had a bit of stubble along his jawline; she liked it, it suited him. His brows furrowed in his sleep as he shuffled and faced the back of the couch.

Raven let out a hum of tiredness, silently wishing that she could fall asleep as quickly as he did. Was he not as affected by everything as she was? How could he sleep so peacefully after the mess they'd been through? After the mess they caused? It seemed no matter how tired she was, the Nix woman could never stay unconscious.

   She could feel her powers in the palms of her hands, a curiosity sparking in the back of her mind triggering it to come forward.

A frown graced her face at the fleeting thought that came by. She wanted to know how he felt; maybe she could get some sort of comfort in his feelings. Maybe they could help her feel less alone.

She was overtaken by the mere thought of just knowing what was going on inside his mind. Her powers dared her to find out.

All Raven had to do was reach. If Steve found a sort of solace or remedy for their past, then maybe she could, too. And if he was being stoic and tormented by memories in silence, then at least she could know that she wasn't alone.

The woman swallowed thickly and outstretched her hand, her normally dark eyes beginning to gaze over with a pale purple color.

   What am I doing? a part of her wondered. She never realized it would come to this; using her powers on someone she considered a friend in this way was something she never saw herself doing unless they asked.

   It made her think of Bucky and when he'd asked for her to help with his memories. She bit the inside of her cheek, trying to push the small reminder away and think about how things were now. Bucky wasn't here anymore. She was losing herself and hated it.

   Steve shifted once more in his sleep, making Raven flinch. A frown came to her face as she looked to her hand, a subtle purple glow swirling in her skin.

   No.

   Tears began to form in the corners of her eyes and she retracted her hand, curling it into her chest and pulling the blanket at her feet over her torso. She adjusted her body further into the back of the couch and tried to get comfortable.

A moment passed, and then another. She closed her eyes in hopes of finding sleep, and after a few seconds she could feel a drowsiness settle in her muscles. Maybe the guilt of what she almost did would be enough to lull her to sleep.