Lilith (old version)

Chapter 25

Lilith

I feel guilty that I can't forgive you.

The ringing in my ears won't go away. My breathing is so short, so fast. How is it that I'm breathing so much, yet the air feels empty of oxygen? I need to get out, to follow after Nathan. I need to figure out what happened. Was Enzo dead? Was my dad? 

I just need to move. Just fucking move. Even without the injuries it most likely would've felt near impossible. It feels like someone has placed a weight onto my chest, preventing me from doing anything but continue to take these stupid gasping breaths like a fish out of water.

I know that it's a panic attack, and that it will pass, but it truly feels like I'm dying in the moment. I can't do anything, let alone run after Nathan and Enzo. But I have to. I don't have a choice. It's either sit here like an idiot and wait for Nathan to come tell me what's going on, or follow after them and find out myself. The latter is clearly the better option in my opinion, or worse depending on the outcome.

I grit my teeth but I can't stop the cry that comes out from my throat as I lift myself from the car and stand on shaking feet. My whole body feels like it's been shattered and then put back together in shambles. It's screaming at me to stop, to sit down, to rest, but I can't. I have to get inside, I have to know what's happened.

My feet move, taking step after step. Each feels like shoving a dagger straight through my bones and I almost collapse along the way, but I make it. Barely. 

The door is left wide open, and I only need to take one step into the house to see an image that will undoubtedly be ingrained in my mind forever. I don't know where to look first, at Nathan who is ghostly pale next to a pile of puke, at Enzo who seems to be in some form of shock, or at my fathers crumpled body which leaks blood all over the floor. 

I decide it's easier to not look at it at all apparently, because it's at that moment that I begin falling towards the ground. Enzo starts upon seeing me, reaching out like he's going to grab me but it's too late. The pain that ricochet's through me is unbearable, but all that comes out from my mouth is a sharp hiss followed by a small whimper. 

My vision goes black, and I know I'm close to passing out but I refuse this time. My head droops without my permission but I keep lifting it no matter how much I wish to give in. When I feel Enzo's hands wrap around me protectively it's my last straw, and although the ringing in my ears won't go away and my vision is still lacking I manage to whirl towards him, baring my teeth like a caged animal.

I hate my father, I do, but in this moment I hate Enzo more. Not for what he did, but for why he did it. It should've been my choice. Mine. He doesn't have the right to go killing my father just because he's upset, nobody does. My blood burns as I make out his face, and suddenly the pain begins to fuel the fire racing through me.

"Get off of me." I seethe. 

"Lilith, it's okay. I'm sorry, but it's okay. I fixed it for you, he can't hurt you anymore." Enzo explains, as if he did me a favour.

"You fixed it? Fixed what. Fixed me? Fixed my life?" I grind out, my voice threatening, "You have done nothing but prove how incredibly selfish and self absorbed you are. Why the fuck would you do this, Enzo?" I'm full blown yelling now, but it does nothing to soothe the anger inside of me.