Lilith (old version)

Chapter 8

Lilith

It's hard to forget your past when it's written all over your body. 

I hear his intake of breath before I see his stare, his eyes are glued to my wrist. Right at the simple tattoo on the pale inner skin of my arm.

If he had any other reaction I wouldn't have been worried, but he gasped when he saw it; he definitely knows what the tattoo symbolises. Ice fills my veins and I feel my stomach physically drop. 

Why is it that every time something bad happens, Lorenzo is involved? Anytime I need help, or I'm trying to hide a part of myself he manages to uncover yet another secret. 

It makes me incredibly uncomfortable that he knows so much, sure he doesn't know the specifics but he definitely knows my life isn't what I portray it to be and it almost scares me more that he is left to his own imagination to fill in the gaps. 

I watch as he inches closer to me, he was only a couple metres away when he saw my sleeve fall down so it would have been easy to see the tattoo. I purposefully made it small, discreet, so that it was barely noticeable. But considering how often I've caught him watching me from his canvas it's no surprise that he fixed his gaze on me even when doing something as simple as retying my hair. 

In a few short moments he manages to stand right next to me. I avoid eye contact and pretend to be totally transfixed by the painting in front of me. I've been adding to it for the past few weeks now, slowly building it up, but it never feels finished and if I'm honest I never want to stop this painting. 

I love the mixture of lilac and white, it's calming to just look at. Sometimes I paint out the anger and sadness lodged inside my heart, but sometimes I like to paint a calmer scene so I can look back at it and smooth myself.

On this painting I've used a thin, delicate paint brush to make simple butterflies swirling around a white lily in the centre. It's simple, no shading involved, just single lines. But it's simplicity is what conveys the emotion I put into it, it's so peaceful and it's one of my favourite paintings I've made so far. 

"Lilith, we need to talk." Lorenzo says lowly from my side. I tear my gaze away from my painting and stare straight into his eyes.

I could feign ignorance, act like I can't remember the other night, or the tattoo, or when he saw my bruised wrist. Or I could simply ignore him like I know I can, it would be the easiest option. I turn away from him and go back to my painting, not looking back again.

I hear him sigh, but he stalks back over to his own painting and starts haphazardly spilling black and red paint all over the canvas. His painting is the complete opposite of mine; where I have white he has black, where I have soft lilac he has angry red. It contrasts just as similarly as our personalities contrast. Although I'm beginning to think that's not true; that our personalities are more similar than I ever thought possible.

• • •

The bell rings and I pack my things away slowly, waiting for everyone to leave first so I have time to go back to my real painting. This is the painting that I never let anyone see, it's tucked away right at the back of my drawer and I only get it out after everyone has left the classroom.