The Meeting

Different Kind of Closeness

The last time?

"Yeah, I guess."

Alex moved her knee slightly, staring so intently into my eyes that I had to close them.

"For now." She chuckled.
"I really wish I could skip to then."
"What's gotten into you?"
"You!" I rolled my eyes, lifting the covers to expose her knee.
"My bad."
"You are a torture, you know that don't you?"
"That I do." She beamed.

There was something different about that night, that spark that had gone out between the two of us had returned, the laughter that we used to share was back, and it was a different kind of closeness, one that didn't need to result in anything more - even if we wanted it to.

"Le?" Alex whispered.
"Yeah?"
"I love you."

My heart.

"I love you."
"Yeah?" She smiled.
"So much, Al. So much it hurts."

Nothing else happened that night, just lazy kisses and soft I love yous. I couldn't feel anything but butterflies as I tried to drift off to sleep, Alex's breath causing goosebumps across my shoulder as she fell asleep wrapped around me, just like she used to.

I worried though.

I worried that it would be a one night thing, that tomorrow we would both pretend it hadn't happened. My worries were confirmed when I woke the following morning to a cold bed, and a lack of noise from downstairs letting me know that Alex and the kids had already left the house.

She's just doing the school run, Leah.

I couldn't even convince myself of that once I had checked the time. 10:42am. She would've been back by that time if she was coming home. I knew I had no tears left to cry, even if I wanted to. Instead I moved to the place I had taken comfort in during the months Alex was gone, her studio. Ignoring the toys dotted along the floor as I walked towards the desk, I smiled as I looked around the room and saw the awards, the handwritten lyrics of her first release, and that photo that took pride of place. That photo of us at the Brits when we had no idea I was pregnant. I took the vinyl record down from the wall, gently removing it from the sleeve and placing it onto the record player. Her voice filled the room as the music began, my lips moving to allow me to sing along almost at a whisper.

The road was miles ahead
It fell away, now I'm at the end
Just a sky, the fall, and you
Got holes in my parachute

So many questions in my head
Then you say

Never gonna find all the answers
Answers will find you
Don't know how I'll feel tomorrow
Don't know the truth
But we can lie, lie, lie, lie here together
Lie, lie, lie, lie here together

I don't care if we're gonna crash
It feels good when we go too fast
If we only have the night
Well it won't be a waste of time

I'm so brave, I come alive
When you say

Never gonna find all the answers
Answers will find you
Don't know how I'll feel tomorrow
Don't know the truth
But we can lie, lie, lie, lie here together
Lie, lie, lie, lie here together

Good things come to those who don't wait
For the right time, right place
Good things come to those who don't wait
For the right time, right time, right time
Right place

Never gonna find all the answers
Answers will find you
Don't know how I'll feel tomorrow
Don't know the truth
But we can lie, lie, lie, lie here together
Lie, lie, lie, lie here together

I had expected by the end of the song I would be crying, or at least tearful. I wasn't though. I was instead sat at the desk, chair turned to face the doorway, and Alex stood smiling back at me.

"I wrote that about you, you know." She whispered.
"I could never forget. Ever." I smiled.
"Hey, I got something for you."
"You did?"
"Yeah. Come see."

She held her hand out for me to take, waiting in anticipation as I walked towards her and interlocked our fingers. She placed a kiss on my cheek before walking me back downstairs and into the kitchen.

"It's on the island."
"A calendar?" I raised one eyebrow.
"No - well - yes. But not just a calendar!"

Her insecure and excited little smile was breaking my heart.

"It has dates inside - no - wait - that's wrong. It's a calendar, you know it has dates. It has plans inside."
"Plans?" I smiled, guessing where this was going.
"Yeah. For us - and the kids - but some just for us. We can't - eh - hang it up though." She chuckled.
"Why not?"
"It's not really - public viewing."

I chuckled as I began reading through the calendar. Alex had already input the next baby scan date, the due date, birthdays, anniversaries, even the dates of Aoife's matches. I studied it closely, noticing things like weekend away in a place of your choice, or night at the theatre dotted throughout.

And then I saw it, the heartiest laugh leaving my body as my eyes scanned her handwriting scribbled in a random Wednesday.

Alex is on tour, phone sex.

I looked up to find her half smirking, half laughing with her eyebrows raised slightly.

"Is this for me - or for you?" I chuckled.
"You - well I obviously benefit too - but - you said you missed it. So let's do it."
"But you won't be on tour, you'll be here." I raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah - so - I haven't thought of the fine details yet - no - wait! I know. You can be upstairs, and I'll be downstairs. Okay - maybe it was a stupid idea." She said, deep in thought.
"I like it."
"You do?"
"Yeah. There would be something really hot about knowing you're just a few footsteps away but I can't have you. You know?"
"I know." She exaggerated.
"It's a date."
"That it is."
"It must've taken you ages filling this in, Al." I smiled.
"Yeah, I was sat in the car park in town trying to do it." She chuckled.
"I thought - maybe - last night. I thought maybe it had been too much, too soon for you."

She took a step towards me, wrapping her arms around my waist from behind and placing her hands on my baby bump, a kiss finding the tip of my shoulder.

"Last night was perfect, Le." She whispered.
"It was perfect for me too."
"I want that with you again, I just want it to be perfect. When you aren't still sore from surgery, or uncomfortable with the baby bump."
"I want it too, so much. I just don't want you to get bored waiting - I can -" I began before she cut me off with a kiss.
"I don't want it to be one sided. I can wait, I'll always wait for you."
"I'll always wait for you, Al." I whispered, kissing the tip of her nose.

We were back, Alex and Leah. But the best of times were yet to come.